It's true! I wrote an ebook! It has always been a life goal of mine to write a book... I was a few credits away from a minor in English if you really want to know. :)
I wrote this Teacher Dad ebook to help parents better approach teachers regarding classroom concerns by acting as the kiddo's advocate and expert. Be it with an IEP, 504, or a general learning hurdle, this book will be able to give some ideas on how to build a partnership between parents and the teacher. It also fills you in on what you should be expecting of a high quality teacher regarding how your student's struggle should be handled, and when a teacher has crossed the line.
I couldn't be more excited to have this out there as a resource to help parents navigate the often difficult process of talking with a teacher about how to best help a student. You can find the book by following this link (here).
Thanks for supporting the Teacher Dad!
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
End of week blues
The end of another week is quickly approaching. You would think that as a father of 5, I look forward to the weekends. And for the most part I do. As soon as we hit Saturday afternoon, things start getting much better. It's just that Friday night to Saturday morning time that is ruthless. The exhaustion from school each week wrecks my kids, and truly sets in after school on Friday. It hits us all like a ton of bricks, to the point where my wife and I seem to be scrambling each Thursday to come up with a way to help smooth out our Friday afternoon.
As we've watched this exhaustion lead to tough behavior each week, we've gained a couple insightful options that could help families in similar breakdown/exhaustion cycles.
1) Keep to a routine. After a long week, it breaks kids further to go home and learn of an unplanned event on a Friday. Keep after school on Friday to a know schedule with plenty of relax time or decompress time. Maybe that's with an electronic device, but that's okay. Just keep it low key and routine focused. We have pizza Fridays to keep that steady, so they know what's coming.
2) Playdates are good distractions. We found this little nugget a few weeks ago. Our oldest was invited to a friend's house and our 2nd in line had a friend over. It was glorious to have sibling separation, and the distraction of a friend. The kids had a great time, and by the time all play dates ended. We had dinner, a book and bed. A few break downs along the way, but not an entire afternoon full of them!
3) I've seen other families keep Friday for game night, movie night, or some other family focused activity. I know my crew would love art night Friday's.... That just piped in my head!! Gonna have to further think that one through!
Don't get me wrong, my kids are amazing kids. It's just by the end of each school week they are simply spent. They put a lot into being the best they can at school. They hold on through the boredom, social anxieties, academic anxieties, and the overall need for staying out the trouble only to fall across the finish line after a long week.
The hard part about this is that they demonstrate how tired they are by acting out. They lose all filters and impulse control. They are all naturally active kids, so the activeness stays, but most control of themselves vanishes. Sudden breakdowns are common. Combine the breakdown with a super tantrum and I just try to hold on through the perfect storm. It's quite remarkable.. really... when you look at it from a distance.
The hard part about this is that they demonstrate how tired they are by acting out. They lose all filters and impulse control. They are all naturally active kids, so the activeness stays, but most control of themselves vanishes. Sudden breakdowns are common. Combine the breakdown with a super tantrum and I just try to hold on through the perfect storm. It's quite remarkable.. really... when you look at it from a distance.
As we've watched this exhaustion lead to tough behavior each week, we've gained a couple insightful options that could help families in similar breakdown/exhaustion cycles.
1) Keep to a routine. After a long week, it breaks kids further to go home and learn of an unplanned event on a Friday. Keep after school on Friday to a know schedule with plenty of relax time or decompress time. Maybe that's with an electronic device, but that's okay. Just keep it low key and routine focused. We have pizza Fridays to keep that steady, so they know what's coming.
2) Playdates are good distractions. We found this little nugget a few weeks ago. Our oldest was invited to a friend's house and our 2nd in line had a friend over. It was glorious to have sibling separation, and the distraction of a friend. The kids had a great time, and by the time all play dates ended. We had dinner, a book and bed. A few break downs along the way, but not an entire afternoon full of them!
3) I've seen other families keep Friday for game night, movie night, or some other family focused activity. I know my crew would love art night Friday's.... That just piped in my head!! Gonna have to further think that one through!
I'd love to hear your ideas or best/craziest end of week break down story in the comments below! Thanks for reading!
Saturday, March 14, 2015
What I've Learned in Leaving the FNSBSD
Prior to this school year, I spent 9 years as a teacher in the Fairbanks North Star Borough School District. A district that in recent weeks is again (2 years running) in the local paper with stories about budget shortfalls, HR problems, and more teacher pink slips (no more music or arts classes is what I hear). I left the district in what is now clear to me as the lowest point in the district's history. And I now find myself in a district that is thriving. A district that shows no budgetary concerns, is hiring teachers, and has a history of student success through graduation rates, SAT/ACT scores, and state test scores. Everyday, I look around in awe at the complete shift in experiences, and ask myself, "How can there be such a drastic difference between these 2 districts?"
Overall, I loved being in Fairbanks. My wife was a student of FNSBSD. She was the 4th generation of her family to be born in Fairbanks. We moved there, believing we were going to stay and raise our family. It was so hard to say goodbye to the people we love. But, as I see more problems for the district, I realize that my hand was in many ways forced to make a change. And while some days it hurts, the majority of my days are looking around feeling so fortunate to having been hired in my new district. In a district that encourages me each day to take an active role in leading my students and peers into the common core era.
I wish nothing but better days for the teachers of the amazing students in FNSBSD. I hope that budget shortfalls don't do further damage to the district, and I hope beyond hope, that the new superintendent has the courage to lead the district with pride, strength, and an ability to give voice to many who've been without it for too many years.
Thanks for taking the time to read this. Please feel free to leave comments, thoughts, or feelings below.
I've spent a lot of time reflecting on this question, trying to find meaning to all of it. I've listed what I see as the primary reasons behind how FNSBSD is falling behind compared to my new district.
1) Money: I'm not going to lie. My new district has it. A decent amount of it. We live in a community with a higher median income, and one that isn't afraid to share with the school district. Most of the families that move here do so because of the schools and our reputation. The people have money and they are more then willing to put that toward the education of their kids.
The truth, however, is that there is money in the state of Alaska. I believe the budget short falls have been created by the decisions of state officials to defund education. As I see it, there is a lack of trust in what the districts are doing with the money, how it's being spent, and the overall educational results. And to a certain degree, I agree with them.
In Fairbanks, there is quite a bit of money spent on "things." When I was at North Pole high school, there were 4 complete sets of TI-Navigator systems that were simply purchased. Most just sat there, and my guess is that they still mostly just sit there. Much like the many classroom sets of iPads, iPods, SmartBoards, and other fun technology. Now, these items are not the reason for the budget shortfalls, but more a picture of the spending that happens.
In my new district, all purchases for classroom learning items (like the ones listed above) are gained through grants. Teachers write for district grant funds by explaining how the technology they would like will be used to enhance learning. These are then read and approved by the board. The money is spent with a direct intention. Teachers and administration communicate to make purchases based on student need. The teachers are trusted to help make those decisions, and the board and admin team proudly support those needs. For a new teacher like me, it means that I don't immediately have the access to the items I had in Fairbanks, but I know that I can write for a grant to get the items that I know will enhance my teaching practice.
This is obviously just one little picture. However, I'm amazed at how morale within the school can be so strong simply in how the community supports us educators. And I don't mean just through the money, although that helps. I mean in the everyday things. When I'm meeting new people, and I mention that I teach at the high school, they talk with pride about how great our district is. And that's from young parents to grandparents. There is pride in being here, and supporting the schools. It's amazing. So as we continue to show results, we are in fact earning the finical support of the community. This is something I hardly ever felt while teaching in Fairbanks.
2) Leadership: During my 9 years of teaching in the FNSBSD, I can remember 3 maybe 4 different superintendents. That's a lot. How can a district get a sense of where it's going if the "captain of the ship" is constantly changing? I moved to a place where the current superintendent has been a part of the district for 19 years. 19 years! Our principal has been in his position for 9 years. Together, they are the backbone of what is nothing but support to the teachers and staff in the district. Their student centered message is unified and clear. It is also clear that they work only to enhance our efforts for the kids. There isn't an us verse them vibe. They know we are working for the kids, and they support that.
They ask us (the teachers) what we need from professional development (PD). They don't hire whatever outside speaker they can to preach at us. They instead encourage us to step into teacher-leader roles. Or to come up with ideas for PD throughout the year that we can get paid to teach to our peers. If I'm doing something awesome in my class, I can hold an after school class/workshop to show other teachers about it. The PD moneys then stay in-house, and are put towards what the teachers want/need. We are encouraged to use our voice to make positive changes.
This has been hard for me. I wanted desperately to have a voice in FNSBSD. I frequently felt as though I wasn't being heard, and that we were constantly being talked to by the untouchable admin. It was "them" making decisions, and the teachers just dealing with it. The input they received was controlled in that those that were part of teacher committees, were often selected by the admin. And I say often and not always, because occasionally we were given an opportunity to speak our minds. It just wasn't always acknowledged.
The strength of the leadership and the relationships they've created with all of the district staff is so noticeably different between the two districts. It is even different in how each has dealt with implementing the new Common Core based state standards (CCSS) as well as a new teacher evaluations. From day one, I've heard nothing but positive support from our educational leaders. Encouragement that we can handle the new expectations even with a change in teacher evaluations. Every week we're reminded that the CCSS don't define our students, and that we, the teachers, will work each day to help our students grow within the standards. And that it's not about them meeting these idilic standards, but that we can demonstrat that our efforts show student growth within the standards. There isn't a sense of fear trickling down each day like I remember from last year when CC was looming over us. We are supported, and valued for what they know we can do.
3) District Size: I can't be too hard on the leadership in Fairbanks, because in all honesty, how many former educators can truly handle managing a district the size of FNSBSD? It's huge! Thirty-three schools in all when you count the elementary, secondary, and each of the schools of choice. That's insane! It has to be near impossible to oversee anything with a single superintendent, and two assistant-superintendents. Throw-in the number of employees needed, and it's no wonder the HR department is having a hard time keeping up. I wonder how long it takes a new superintendent to remember the names of all the principals!
I went from that, to a district with a total 10 schools. Six elementary, 2 middle, and 2 high schools (1 main campus and 1 school of choice). I've grown to truly believe that the size of a school district matters. As in anything, the larger in number a group grows the harder it is to manage. Especially, when the message from the leader isn't clear or leadership is constantly changing.
I find it hard to see FBNSBSD ever trying to restructure. But if I could, I would break that district up as fast as possible. Separate North Pole and Salcha into one district, maybe? I don't know. It would be great to see one day.
Overall, I loved being in Fairbanks. My wife was a student of FNSBSD. She was the 4th generation of her family to be born in Fairbanks. We moved there, believing we were going to stay and raise our family. It was so hard to say goodbye to the people we love. But, as I see more problems for the district, I realize that my hand was in many ways forced to make a change. And while some days it hurts, the majority of my days are looking around feeling so fortunate to having been hired in my new district. In a district that encourages me each day to take an active role in leading my students and peers into the common core era.
I wish nothing but better days for the teachers of the amazing students in FNSBSD. I hope that budget shortfalls don't do further damage to the district, and I hope beyond hope, that the new superintendent has the courage to lead the district with pride, strength, and an ability to give voice to many who've been without it for too many years.
Thanks for taking the time to read this. Please feel free to leave comments, thoughts, or feelings below.
Wednesday, February 11, 2015
Happy Birthday Dad
My dad turned 66 a couple of days ago. It's crazy for me to wrap my head around that. Especially since my oldest son and I share the same birth month with him. I find myself comparing my life timeline to his. My son turned 9, so when I was 9 what was my dad doing with his life?
As I've mentioned in past posts, I'm competitive, so it's natural for me to look at our fathering styles and career success in a "who was where" type of way. I remember my dad always being too tired to play as I got older. That on the weekends, I would feel let down when it came to active attention from my dad. So I've done what I could to be more active in the day to day; to make lunches each day; to pick the kids up from school; to build Legos, go on walks, head to the playground... To be super active.
And up until recently, my take away from my own dad was left only on the "what I wanted to do different." And I realize now, all the things I wish I would have done the same from the beginning.
I realize now that while he may not have been an "active" dad, he was always there. He made it to all of our sporting events. We knew he was there because he would be the loudest supporter.. "Go Vikes!" He would always have advice and a solution to any problem. And he showed me what it was to work hard for the people in your life. To provide. To take care of all the "assets" from each other, to our cars, furniture, and clothes. And he did it so well, that I didn't pay the best attention to it. Until now... I see now all that I was supposed to have learned from my dad.
So, to my dad: Thank you for still always being there for advice and support. I appreciate you and your love for me more than you'll ever know.
Saturday, February 7, 2015
9 years and counting
Nine years ago today, my oldest was born!.. I know, right? Where did that time go?! So much has happened over these past 9 years. All milestones that themselves are remarkable. It's not always been easy... ok it's rarely been easy. I mean, being a good parent is tough! There are so many choices to make that shape the life of each child. Tempers flare when maybe they shouldn't have. Schools are chosen that weren't the best fit. There are falls and scrapes; sick days and tantrums; laughing and playing; hugging and crying. And in each moment the person he continues to grow into teaches me about myself each day.
As a first born myself, I always felt like the Guinea Pig child. All things that didn't work for me, were changed for my sisters. I went through my childhood as the test child, so the lives of the younger ones could be better. And in some ways that was true, and is in fact true for my oldest. But what I'm realizing is that there have been plenty of victories that my wife and I can celebrate. not every decision we made for him has been a "mistake" or a learning moment. We've actually done a pretty darn good job! And.. if it makes him feel better, we continue to make mistake with his 4 younger siblings.
The most crazy part about today, is that in turning 9 he is now halfway done with his childhood. In 9 more years he'll be choosing a college, and getting ready to attempt his journey into being a grownup. These past 9 years have felt like they have flown by, so naturally the fear of the next 9 going just as fast is real. In fact, when my MiL brought that up with me last night, I jokingly yelled at her that she's not allowed to bring that kind of stuff up! I'm not ready to think about it!
So, for me and my wife.. it's time to buckle down. Time to make the next 9 years full of the best memories that will keep us all learning and growing together. Memories that we will share and have well after he does finally leave the nest. We have to make sure that each day is full of enough love for him to know, and for each of our kids to know, just how much we truly adore them.
So, wherever you are today, please say a happy birthday to my oldest. He is the most remarkable 9year old in the world.. a fact supported in that after just waking up, and announcing, "I'm officially a 9 year old," he went straight to cleaning the cat litter... on his birthday! Clearly, my wife and I have done something right. We are so lucky to have him, to learn from him, and to have his unending love. He makes us the best parents in the world!
I love you so much buddy.. so very much!
As a first born myself, I always felt like the Guinea Pig child. All things that didn't work for me, were changed for my sisters. I went through my childhood as the test child, so the lives of the younger ones could be better. And in some ways that was true, and is in fact true for my oldest. But what I'm realizing is that there have been plenty of victories that my wife and I can celebrate. not every decision we made for him has been a "mistake" or a learning moment. We've actually done a pretty darn good job! And.. if it makes him feel better, we continue to make mistake with his 4 younger siblings.
The most crazy part about today, is that in turning 9 he is now halfway done with his childhood. In 9 more years he'll be choosing a college, and getting ready to attempt his journey into being a grownup. These past 9 years have felt like they have flown by, so naturally the fear of the next 9 going just as fast is real. In fact, when my MiL brought that up with me last night, I jokingly yelled at her that she's not allowed to bring that kind of stuff up! I'm not ready to think about it!
So, for me and my wife.. it's time to buckle down. Time to make the next 9 years full of the best memories that will keep us all learning and growing together. Memories that we will share and have well after he does finally leave the nest. We have to make sure that each day is full of enough love for him to know, and for each of our kids to know, just how much we truly adore them.
So, wherever you are today, please say a happy birthday to my oldest. He is the most remarkable 9year old in the world.. a fact supported in that after just waking up, and announcing, "I'm officially a 9 year old," he went straight to cleaning the cat litter... on his birthday! Clearly, my wife and I have done something right. We are so lucky to have him, to learn from him, and to have his unending love. He makes us the best parents in the world!
I love you so much buddy.. so very much!
Saturday, January 31, 2015
My son, his filling, OUR choices
A few weeks back, one of my twin three year olds needed to have a cavity filled. Not a great feeling as a parent having to take your kiddo in for a filling, but it needed to be done. The initial consultation with the Doc went as well as it could, with her recommending the "happy air" to help him through. My wife and I said that he wouldn't need it, but she insisted we at least have it ready. And by insisting, I mean she made it perfectly clear that there was no way in hell he wouldn't need it. All the while, we could hear screams & crying from a child somewhere else in the office... Unnerving? Yes..
My wife and I didn't feel the best about working with this particular dentist, but we decided to at least try it. If he wasn't happy and they were pushing the happy air, then we would just leave and try again another time or find a different dentist. You see, for us it isn't only about the worry of what the gas is doing to our kiddo, but more that if he isn't feeling safe enough to be there then it's not worth it. The filling could wait another day when he felt more in control of what was happening, and not being pushed by the timeline and agenda of someone else. We want all of our kids to recognize that they're comfort and the things happening in their lives are in their control. That the push of outside forces shouldn't dictate their immediate and final decisions.
Now, this doesn't apply to basic deadline responsibilities like homework, chores, and commitments. Only real life decisions where at times we allow ourselves to take paths forced on us by others, because we feel worried about saying, "no."
We also know our son well enough that he can handle anything as long as mom or dad are there. That "happy air" wouldn't be needed if all of the people in the room were calm.
So the day of the filling came, and our boy put on his favorite Snow White dress and happily climbed into the car. When he and I arrived at the office we ended up having to wait for much longer than necessary with sounds of crying and some screaming filtering to the waiting room (a la LittleShopOfHorrors). Thankfully my boy and I just sat together reading books and making each other laugh.
When the nurse brought us back, she immediately wanted to go over the plan to make sure they understood that my wife and I didn't want the "happy air. " And that if things got weird, he and I would go.
All was set, the Dr. came in and talked him through each step. I stayed in his eyesight and held his hands through out, and without a whimper, a cry, or fidget our big three year old had his cavity filled. The dentist and the hygentist were so impressed with him. I used the "I told you so" line multiple times, because I like being right. But it t felt good knowing that my wife and I told them that he could handle it. We believed in our boy and put that confidence out there for him to have as well. And that confidence even found its way into the Dr. She was a different person after that, so much so, she gave me a gift to say thanks... It wasn't free dental work.. Sad face.. But the Starbucks gift card was nice! All because we believed in him, and confidently held our ground on what we knew was best for his comfort.
So how do you feel about "happy air" during dentistry work?... For your kids that is. Please comment below.
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
"Those" parenting moments
It's been a busy 4 weeks for my crew. Not only have we been adjusting to being a family of 7, we've battled strep throat, overflowing toilets, continuous never-ending laundry, and a myriad of other appointments and mishaps. It's all enough to make a person's head spin.. and I know that mine does! It's so easy to get wrapped up in it all that I get to the point where I can explode over the littlest of things. My feelings become so fragile, its as if I'm competing with my newborn or even my 3 year olds on which of us has the least amount of emotional stability!
In those moments of breakdown, my attitude isn't about simply enjoying my family life, and the beauty of having us all together. Oh no.. my internal statements become very negative, and accusatory to my kids.. and spouse. You know those statement you say to yourself and don't mean, but in the moment you don't know any better. The exhaustion has truly taken over, and you become a troll-like version of your true self. It's not pretty, and everyone in the house is typically becoming just as fried as you, so then it becomes a raucous family of trolls trying to fight over any bit of self worth that can be found. It's something quite disgusting, but I'm sure, as a third party, very entertaining to watch!
When the troll-like behavior finally leaves, I feel terrible. How could I become "that" dad that loses his temper? How could I think, and sometime say those things? I never imagined that I would have those types of meltdowns or crazy parent moments. I know that these frustrations are typical of parents, but it doesn't make the aftermath feel any better.
In those moments of breakdown, my attitude isn't about simply enjoying my family life, and the beauty of having us all together. Oh no.. my internal statements become very negative, and accusatory to my kids.. and spouse. You know those statement you say to yourself and don't mean, but in the moment you don't know any better. The exhaustion has truly taken over, and you become a troll-like version of your true self. It's not pretty, and everyone in the house is typically becoming just as fried as you, so then it becomes a raucous family of trolls trying to fight over any bit of self worth that can be found. It's something quite disgusting, but I'm sure, as a third party, very entertaining to watch!
When the troll-like behavior finally leaves, I feel terrible. How could I become "that" dad that loses his temper? How could I think, and sometime say those things? I never imagined that I would have those types of meltdowns or crazy parent moments. I know that these frustrations are typical of parents, but it doesn't make the aftermath feel any better.
It so happens that with these weeks of change in our family aligning with the start of the new year, I've been very focused on how to "fix" my controllable reactions. It hasn't been easy, but I've started generating a quick list of things that have been helping me stay away from being "that" dad:
1) Wear a positive attitude. I know after a long day of teaching I'm pretty spent, but I've accepted that the tired I feel has to stop at the door. I focus my drive home on pumping myself up for being home. I listen to my favorite music. I plan out a few fun things the crew can do together. But most of all, I make sure to feel excited to be home. This is the family I've always wanted and it needs to show. I want my attitude to be contagious... But in a good way!
2) Get outside. After spending 10 winters living in Alaska, my kids can handle the Washington weather. I've been focusing on getting them outside each afternoon. Even if it's just to walk around the block, being outside grounds us all, and helps us clear our heads... and readjust our attitudes.
3) Tap out! My wife and I have become great at tag teaming the stressful family moments, so if either of us sense frustrations rising, we can send the other to a break to settle back down. The key here is to acknowledge the "tap out" and to go take the break. We all know that sometimes it's easy to get wrapped up in the moment, and not walk away. But, it is in acknowledging the "tap out" that you become the better parent and partner. Also, it's super important that neither you or your parenting partner keep track of who taps out who more. AND if you've just come back from a long day at work you do NOT get first tap out, especially if your partner has been home all day with the kids!
4) Work stays at work. I'm a high school teacher. Teachers are notorious for working at home after school hours. There are papers to grade, lessons to write, emails to send, and forms to fill. The stress of all that can pull me away from being daddy and send me straight into stressville. I've accepted that any work I have needs to be done at work or during my home hours when I'm not wearing my daddy/husband hat. Is it hard? Of course, but when I'm focused on my kids and not on work, I'm a much better and happier daddio.
5) Keep it healthy. As parents, we often neglect our own health or diet while we focus on the care of our kids. Knowing that, my wife and I have focused on making sure that we keep foods in the house that will benefit all of us. We've stayed away from high sugary drinks like juices and sodas. Snacks have become fruits, veggies, nuts, pretzels, and sesame sticks. And while we aren't members of a fancy gym, we do what we can to get exercise as often as possible. By keeping ourselves healthy, we have noticed that we feel better and in feeling better, it is easier to bring that positive contagious attitude each day.
I've found that by simply making myself aware of this list throughout the day has helped me avoid hitting the low points as often and as severely as in the past. I'm not perfect. No parent is perfect. But I know that by having this plan or focus each time I'm with my family, that I will always be the best dad and husband for them. And ultimately, that's my goal. I want to be the best dad and husband for them for as long as I can.
Thanks for taking the time to read this post. If you have suggestions that help you through "those" parenting moments, please let me know in the comments below. Also, if you found this post helpful or informative, please feel free to share it and/or my site with your parenting allies!
Have a great day, because you can and should for your kids!
The Teacher-Dad
I've found that by simply making myself aware of this list throughout the day has helped me avoid hitting the low points as often and as severely as in the past. I'm not perfect. No parent is perfect. But I know that by having this plan or focus each time I'm with my family, that I will always be the best dad and husband for them. And ultimately, that's my goal. I want to be the best dad and husband for them for as long as I can.
Thanks for taking the time to read this post. If you have suggestions that help you through "those" parenting moments, please let me know in the comments below. Also, if you found this post helpful or informative, please feel free to share it and/or my site with your parenting allies!
Have a great day, because you can and should for your kids!
The Teacher-Dad
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