It's not okay. The right way to accept an apology.

All day, everyday I deal with kids. Yes, this is by choice. I decided to become a teacher, and I always knew that I'd be a dad one day. So naturally, yeah, I interact with kids regularly. And, much like adults, they make mistakes, say things that are mean, do things to be mean, and all around act like.. well..kids.

Through all of my interactions with kids there is a certain issue I'm growing very tired of, and it has to do with apologies. I think we can all agree that apologies are often things that are only said, and not always felt. A true apology shows feelings, remorse, and an overall acknowledgment of the hurt caused by the loss of trust in that moment.

In the hecticness of life, we all spew out apologies so quickly and easily that we are causing a new problem that I'm truly growing tired of, especially since it's making its way through popular media "reality" and/or "politics." And this problem has to do with the phrase "that's okay." This phrase should no longer be acceptable when an apology has been offered up. It has become so standard that it's almost a reaction now, like getting into the car and buckling up. You don't think about it, but there you are driving all buckled up.

Sure, there are certain times when saying, "that's okay," when an apology is given is totally acceptable. But, we are saying it way too much any more, and we need to get into the practice of actually accepting an apology in a way that shows self respect, and acknowledges that what happened wasn't okay, and shouldn't happen again. I would love to hear more, "I appreciate that apology, but what happened wasn't okay. It hurt, and I really hope it doesn't happen again." Just think if we were to start accepting apologies more like that! And not, "that's okay." Because it wasn't and isn't okay to be hurt by other's words or actions. But we are creating groups of people that keep pushing the issue, because they keep hearing "that's okay" for their apologies. The remorse in doing something wrong isn't there, and they keep getting away with it, because we are modeling weak ways of accepting apologies.

As a dad and a teacher, I've been stepping in to better model how this works. It's been amazing watching how the kids have altered things in my classroom and at home just in how I've responded to apologies by what I'm saying or having the kids say. I've listed a few options below as ideas to try when you are accepting an apology, or are helping a kiddo receiving an apology.

• Thanks for apologizing, but please don't do it again. I'm disappointed in how that went down.
• I accept your apology, but I'm not happy that happened, and I'm still hurt. 
• I hear your apology. I know that I'm expected to accept it, but I'm still hurt by what happened.
• Thank you for apologizing. I do appreciate it, and I can see that you feel bad about what happened.  

I would encourage all of you fellow parents and/or teachers to at least consider finding your own way to escape from using the "that's okay" response in apologies. We can see in social media and the news all of the crazy things people seem to be getting away with saying and doing; and the insincere apologies that follow. It's up to us to show and encourage those around us to speak up with appropriate responses to apologies. This isn't to be done in a way that attacks the person apologizing, but to instead reinforce our own self worth, and establish the notion that what happened isn't okay, and shouldn't happen again. 

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My First Daughter - How we built our special Daddy/Daughter relationship

My favorite picture the 2 of us from years ago!

Eight years ago today, my First daughter was born. As a hopeless dreamer, I was thrilled to have a daughter. I could imagine the wonderful daddy-daughter relationship we would have.. picturing me as Steve Martin's George Banks character from The Father of the Bride. I could only smile at all of the perfect moments that
would be coming for the both of us. But, as we all know, movies are not always the best reflection of reality, and I will be the first to admit, my daughter's first handful of years were a bit of a challenge for me.

Now, please understand, it wasn't her that was the cause of the friction. Oh no.. It was me. In the moments I was struggling as a papa to my daughter, I would have said it was her that was the difficult one. But now, looking back over all of her wonderful 8 years, I just see that my understanding of that Daddy/Daughter bond was built differently than I expected.

I started my journey as a father of a beautiful daughter in many ways forgetting that my delicate flower was not so much a delicate flower. I expected her to need me more, to listen more, to almost hang from my every word.. I mean .. I'm her daddy! I'm the most special man in her life! I don't know what I was thinking! How incredibly foolish of me, huh?!

So, as I would approach situations with her, I expected to be in charge. But, that's not what the daddy/daughter relationship is all about! The successful dad to a daughter is man that can see that his role is to learn how to be needed by his daughter. For me, I learned that my oldest daughter needed me to figure out how to bring her back when her world seemed out of sorts. She needs a dad that doesn't get frustrated, because she'll take that head on in a battle royal! Instead, she needs me to provide for her a person that can center her when she's scared, hurt, sad, or feeling emotionally out of sorts. She's needs in me a man that models what the right reaction should be when she built up with emotion, and reacting to that pain in her own ways.

I learned how to be her rock, and that role just doesn't happen. I had to research, and try things. I had to be honest with myself when things didn't work. I had to learn to make her growth in becoming a strong, confident woman the center of my world. I had to figure out how to read what she needed of me, and provide that to the best of my ability. All in the name of building that wonderful/trusting daddy/daughter relationship that we both NEED in our lives.

It took awhile to really nail it down, but I can honestly say that I know I've got it now. My relationship with my oldest daughter is something so incredibly special. She can make me laugh harder than most people. Sitting and reading with her this past year, watching her grow in confidence as a student, listening to her sing, or come up with an imaginative dress-up pretend play story with her twin brother just is.. it's just so special for me.

Sure, she's tough. She's a red-headed, Alaskan, Sicilian spitfire. But she's also the most darling, loving, sensitive sweetheart of a girl as any in the world. I love her so much for all that she is to me, and for all of the ways that she has made me a better father and person.

Happy 8th birthday MGM. You are truly amazing.

Call the sub! I'm staying home!

This past week was exhausting. Four out of the seven of us were sick with flu like symptoms creating a home environment that can best be described as survivalist. There was plenty of laundry done, and insane amounts of ginger ale and toast consumed while we did our best to get the house feeling better.

And I get to use the pronoun WE, because I was there helping each and every minute. I ended up taking 3 sick days to be home to help with the all that went into taking care of my sick family. So, with Monday's holiday and my 3 sick days, I had a 1 day work week!...errr.

When I first started out teaching, taking sick leave was something I hated. I disliked being away from my classroom, because it was MY classroom. I'm in control of what happens in there, and how the kids learn. It is my responsibility to get things done, and if I'm gone, I have to trust a substitute to take over... and that never goes well.. or hardly ever! I would feel guilty for missing, and worry that it made me look bad. I mean, people don't take time away from work! It's just not natural!

I grew up watching my dad take little time away from work. He'd work long hours during the week, and would often go in on weekends. As a CFO, he was responsible for so much at the office, and that weighed on him pushing him to bust his butt at all cost. I watched that everyday, and believed that I would also spend every waking minute working while finding time here and there to make a sports game or to coach.

But over the last 10 years that I've been teaching, my views on taking time off have changed. Sure, I still know that chaos is expected when I return to my classroom. "Mr. Mach, the sub didn't know anything, and you need to reteach it all!" That my favorite pencil will be gone.. seriously.. who takes a nice mechanical pencil!!!?? And that it's really days of instruction and progress lost. That said, I have to put my family's needs first in those moments. I could have just gone to work this week, and left my wife who herself was sick alone to take care of the throwing-up kids. That would have been the best idea, if I truly didn't like being married or seeing my kids.

I have learned that taking care of my family is more important than the properties of Kites and Trapezoids in a high school geometry class. And sure, I have an important job, but using my sick leave doesn't make me a bad person. If anything, it shows my students that I value my family, and take pride in being able to help out at home. For some of the kids, that may be a more important concept to learn than that the diagonal connecting the vertex angles of a kite is the perpendicular bisector of the diagonal connecting the non-vertex angles AND is also an angle bisector to the vertex angles! Awesome info? Sure it is! But it isn't more important than the health of my family!

Now, tell me how you feel when your kid's teacher is sick and not at work. Do you take sick days from your position?

9 years and counting

Nine years ago today, my oldest was born!.. I know, right? Where did that time go?! So much has happened over these past 9 years. All milestones that themselves are remarkable. It's not always been easy... ok it's rarely been easy. I mean, being a good parent is tough! There are so many choices to make that shape the life of each child. Tempers flare when maybe they shouldn't have. Schools are chosen that weren't the best fit. There are falls and scrapes; sick days and tantrums; laughing and playing; hugging and crying. And in each moment the person he continues to grow into teaches me about myself each day.

As a first born myself, I always felt like the Guinea Pig child. All things that didn't work for me, were changed for my sisters. I went through my childhood as the test child, so the lives of the younger ones could be better. And in some ways that was true, and is in fact true for my oldest. But what I'm realizing is that there have been plenty of victories that my wife and I can celebrate. not every decision we made for him has been a "mistake" or a learning moment. We've actually done a pretty darn good job! And.. if it makes him feel better, we continue to make mistake with his 4 younger siblings.

The most crazy part about today, is that in turning 9 he is now halfway done with his childhood. In 9 more years he'll be choosing a college, and getting ready to attempt his journey into being a grownup. These past 9 years have felt like they have flown by, so naturally the fear of the next 9 going just as fast is real. In fact, when my MiL brought that up with me last night, I jokingly yelled at her that she's not allowed to bring that kind of stuff up! I'm not ready to think about it!

So, for me and my wife.. it's time to buckle down. Time to make the next 9 years full of the best memories that will keep us all learning and growing together. Memories that we will share and have well after he does finally leave the nest. We have to make sure that each day is full of enough love for him to know, and for each of our kids to know, just how much we truly adore them.

So, wherever you are today, please say a happy birthday to my oldest. He is the most remarkable 9year old in the world.. a fact supported in that after just waking up, and announcing, "I'm officially a 9 year old," he went straight to cleaning the cat litter... on his birthday! Clearly, my wife and I have done something right. We are so lucky to have him, to learn from him, and to have his unending love. He makes us the best parents in the world!

I love you so much buddy.. so very much!

"Those" parenting moments

It's been a busy 4 weeks for my crew. Not only have we been adjusting to being a family of 7, we've battled strep throat, overflowing toilets, continuous never-ending  laundry, and a myriad of other appointments and mishaps. It's all enough to make a person's head spin.. and I know that mine does! It's so easy to get wrapped up in it all that I get to the point where I can explode over the littlest of things. My feelings become so fragile, its as if I'm competing with my newborn or even my 3 year olds on which of us has the least amount of emotional stability!

In those moments of breakdown, my attitude isn't about simply enjoying my family life, and the beauty of having us all together. Oh no.. my internal statements become very negative, and accusatory to my kids.. and spouse. You know those statement you say to yourself and don't mean, but in the moment you don't know any better. The exhaustion has truly taken over, and you become a troll-like version of your true self. It's not pretty, and everyone in the house is typically becoming just as fried as you, so then it becomes a raucous family of trolls trying to fight over any bit of self worth that can be found. It's something quite disgusting, but I'm sure, as a third party, very entertaining to watch!

When the troll-like behavior finally leaves, I feel terrible. How could I become "that" dad that loses his temper? How could I think, and sometime say those things? I never imagined that I would have those types of meltdowns or crazy parent moments. I know that these frustrations are typical of parents, but it doesn't make the aftermath feel any better.

It so happens that with these weeks of change in our family aligning with the start of the new year, I've been very focused on how to "fix" my controllable reactions. It hasn't been easy, but I've started generating a quick list of things that have been helping me stay away from being "that" dad:

1) Wear a positive attitude. I know after a long day of teaching I'm pretty spent, but I've accepted that the tired I feel has to stop at the door. I focus my drive home on pumping myself up for being home. I listen to my favorite music. I plan out a few fun things the crew can do together. But most of all, I make sure to feel excited to be home. This is the family I've always wanted and it needs to show. I want my attitude to be contagious... But in a good way! 

2) Get outside. After spending 10 winters living in Alaska, my kids can handle the Washington weather. I've been focusing on getting them outside each afternoon. Even if it's just to walk around the block, being outside grounds us all, and helps us clear our heads... and readjust our attitudes. 

3) Tap out! My wife and I have become great at tag teaming the stressful family moments, so if either of us sense  frustrations rising, we can send the other to a break to settle back down. The key here is to acknowledge the "tap out" and to go take the break. We all know that sometimes it's easy to get wrapped up in the moment, and not walk away. But, it is in acknowledging the "tap out" that you become the better parent and partner. Also, it's super important that neither you or your parenting partner  keep track of who taps out who more. AND if you've just come back from a long day at work you do NOT get first tap out, especially if your partner has been home all day with the kids!

4) Work stays at work. I'm a high school teacher. Teachers are notorious for working at home after school hours. There are papers to grade, lessons to write, emails to send, and forms to fill. The stress of all that can pull me away from being daddy and send me straight into stressville. I've accepted that any work I have needs to be done at work or during my home hours when I'm not wearing my daddy/husband hat. Is it hard? Of course, but when I'm focused on my kids and not on work, I'm a much better and happier daddio.

5) Keep it healthy. As parents, we often neglect our own health or diet while we focus on the care of our kids. Knowing that, my wife and I have focused on making sure that we keep foods in the house that will benefit all of us. We've stayed away from high sugary drinks like juices and sodas. Snacks have become fruits, veggies, nuts, pretzels, and sesame sticks. And while we aren't members of a fancy gym, we do what we can to get exercise as often as possible. By keeping ourselves healthy, we have noticed that we feel better and in feeling better, it is easier to bring that positive contagious attitude each day.

I've found that by simply making myself aware of this list throughout the day has helped me avoid hitting the low points as often and as severely as in the past. I'm not perfect. No parent is perfect. But I know that by having this plan or focus each time I'm with my family, that I will always be the best dad and husband for them. And ultimately, that's my goal. I want to be the best dad and husband for them for as long as I can.

Thanks for taking the time to read this post. If you have suggestions that help you through "those" parenting moments, please let me know in the comments below. Also, if you found this post helpful or informative, please feel free to share it and/or my site with your parenting allies!

Have a great day, because you can and should for your kids!

The Teacher-Dad

Dealing with my own kids' stress - Teacher-Dad grade C-

Anticipation and anxiety are killers for kids, and parents. Kids can't hold onto calm when they know something is going to be happening, or is coming to them either positively or negatively. This month has been full of anticipation and anxiety for my kids from planning our flight to Auntie's wedding, to Thanksgiving, and finally to the arrival of a new baby.. and Grandma & Grandpa next month, my kids have been exhausted from the amount of energy they are releasing in anticipating and stressing about all of these things.

The hard part for this teacher-dad is that it doesn't end there for my kiddos. If that were all that they could be "worrying" about, then I think my wife and I would be managing better. But, when you tack on the rest of the day-to-day living "anticipations" or "anxieties" like school work, gymnastics class, late start Wednesdays, snow days, eye doctor appointments, an uncomfortable prego mama, and losing a 1st tooth, it can be too overwhelming for the kiddos. And, I hate to admit this, but when all of that is going on, it's all too easy for me to get wrapped up in the whirlwind of crazy and forget to look at my kids as well.. kids.

I seem to be able to look at my students as kids with anxieties and outside pressures better than I do my own kids. This is a fact that I'm grappling with, and I think I've realized what it boils down to. In the classroom, I have a set of fall backs or tricks I can use when I can see a student struggling in my class because of outside influences. My options are my own in the classroom, and I work to make things as fair as I can without handing out grades that are unearned, or foregoing assignments. It is easy for me to say, "just turn it in tomorrow" or "why don't we just wait on taking this test for now" or "let's take more time to complete this in class tomorrow" because I know that those are realistic and helpful options in those situations. I also have the foresight to know this, because I'm not wrapped up in whatever chaos may be swirling in that student's life. I can see that whatever they are going through is more important than my math class, and accommodate my class to help them deal with that drama.

However, when it's my own kids, in my own house, there is often no time to step back and see the bigger picture. I'm in the heat of the battle.. sometimes quite literally, and I can't step back and remember ALL of the crazy that is swirling through the everyday happenings of my own kids. So, while I see 3 of 4 kids screaming in JC Penny (sorry about that guys!), I needed to be able to step back and know that they were feeling the anxiety of a new shopping routine, and a snow day as well as the anticipation of getting a "treat" for good behavior. All of it overwhelmed 3 of my 4, and I just couldn't see it. Instead, I was "that" dad. You know, the one with the "super frustrated, yell-whispering, opposite of calm look that speaks of a guy that never goes out with his kids in public" type dad.

Looking back, I see now that the three screamers needed more "prep" on what the trip was all about. It wasn't fair for us all to get into the van and drive through the snow to a store we barely go to and not tell them "the plan." They didn't know what to expect and that fact alone gives kids stress and anxiety. And because I was wrapped up in my own thoughts on getting us there safely, and in having a moment to talk with my wife, I didn't see the ways I could have helped. For example,  I spend a moment at the start of each class period explaining the topic of the day, AND I make sure to stick to a routine that my students get use to in order to build their comfort. Yet, in this moment I didn't do that for my own kids, and we paid for it... My ears are still ringing, btw.

In the end, reflection on a past situation always leads to the easy solution of what I should have done. But the truth is, I need to focus on delivering "the plan" much better with my own kids even in those moments of crazy. I need to help us by laying things out just like I do in my classroom so that I can ease the stress for my own children. So for now, I'm giving myself a C- in this category as a Teacher-Dad. Plenty of room to improve, but not the worst!

Building up our kids to Dream for the Future

I came across this picture a few weeks ago while cleaning out some boxes in storage. This is me on my high school graduation day with my grandparents. When I think back about that day, I remember them being there, but I have no memory of them being proud or excited about the milestone. And really, I don't remember being proud either.

As a kid I always knew that graduating high school was expected. There really wasn't a choice. So, as I  made my way through high school, the basic expectation of graduation was never daunting, it was something I had to do, so I was going to make it happen. For me, graduating wasn't about accomplishing anything major, it was about moving on to the next phase. It was about moving away from the person I was in order to become the adult I was expected to be.

The problem with this is that I became less of a dreamer about what I wanted as I focused on the check points along the life path I was on. Everything was set out for me which narrowed my vision as to my options for life beyond high school. That meant that my focus was centered on the "now," and the fun in the present. I wasn't looking ahead to what could be, but was instead dreaming for the moments in the present (day dreaming).

As a teacher I see this a lot. Students that come in having had their ability to dream about their futures stymied by life at home. For me it was due to a parental path that was safely laid out in front of me with an end goal of financial wealth beyond college; all done with the best of intentions. For others, it is stymied by a more harsh world. A world where parents aren't around, and when they are, the kids are made to believe that they aren't good enough for a life different then what they have already. The absolute worst is when these are combined. When parents have a high standard beyond college that they discuss with their child only to further tell the kid it's a life he will never achieve. For me, the career paths were narrowed by options that weren't good enough for the desired end goal, but for these kiddos the career choices are limited by what they are made to believe THEY aren't good enough for.

The result? A student body that is focused on surviving the moment. Not able to see the impact of work they are doing in school, and how it can shape the future. We have a group of students interested in the world of games where shaping the future is possible due to the strengths of the character the student is playing. Because for that moment, he can accomplish anything with the press of a button, and the game is won. Simple. No one there to stop the dream from happening.

As a teacher, I strive to help my students dream. To provide lessons and support that give them the chance to grow into confident learners. To provide an adult in their lives that they know believes in them as a competent individual with limitless potential. I strive to help my students see all that they can become, and to encourage them to define what they believe happiness should be, and to work for it.

Finding the picture above was so eye opening for me. I had no idea the pride my grandparents had that day. But to see those smiles now. To know that there was so much they felt, but didn't say to me, helps me realize all that I truly want to be for my own kids, and for my students. They all need to know the pride I have for them, and the belief I have in them. It is what I expect from the teachers my own kids have each year, and it's what I expect my fellow teachers to have about the kids in our building. Teaching is about building the confidence and the skills of the young dreamers, so that we can make the world a better place. Our job isn't to force content, but to use content to help guide the kiddos to learning about themselves.

I encourage you to let your kids and students dream. To help them believe that what they dream can be a reality, and that you have confidence in them to get there. And that along the way, you will be there to help guide and support in all ways that you can. Even if that means they want to be the driver of the Pizza Planet Truck, or a CareBear, or the builder of Lego weapons that keep the world safe. Let them learn to dream about the future, so that along the path of learning they can shape those dreams into the reality they truly want.

Side note: I think I turned out pretty good, so in no way am I complaining about the path my parents had set for me. In fact, without that path, the husband, father, and teacher I am today wouldn't have been possible. So, thanks Mom and Dad. Love you.

To play (sports), or not to play (sports)

I listen to ESPN radio in the mornings. I'm a dad. It's something that I simply have to do at this point in life. I can tell you the exact point I started listening too. I was flipping around AM radio back in
the summer of 2006 (shortly after my first was born) looking for anything about the World Cup that was currently being played in Germany. I finally get to ESPN radio, and this jerk, Colin Cowherd, is slamming American soccer saying that the absolute best American athletes play football or basketball and not soccer, so we'll never truly compete in the sport when the best athletes of other countries Do play soccer! I was furious! I'm a soccer player! I was a great athlete, and by the end of the show... I totally agreed with him, and I listen to the guy everyday.. Love the guy! (Excerpt of his show is below)

Colin talking about US beating Spain and his description of soccer players/fans. BTW: I'm 6'1" .. :) Classic! 

Which brings me to the now. This past week, Uncle Colin (as he refers to himself) was explaining why his kids won't play travel or comp sports. His feeling is that the time that would go to playing on a comp team would pull away from family time, and he wants the time with his kids to be spent traveling and experiencing things with them as a family. I totally get that. But I'm going to come at it from a different perspective.

Yup.. that's me! Maybe 13 or 14 years old.

I played travel soccer since maybe the 4th or 5th grade. By the time I was in middle school, the commitment was extreme. Not only time wise, but also financially on my parents. Now, as a kid I was pretty shy, and confidence wasn't a friend. I worked hard, and listened to my coaches, and I became a pretty good soccer player. My team won the state comp tournament several times. We traveled to some of the best tournaments in the country, and by the time I was in high school, my entire team and coach became part of a club in the Chicago area that became one of the best in the country (Sockers F.C.).

And through it all, I was wiped. The intensity that came with being a comp athlete is difficult, and doesn't always bring with it the down time I feel kids should have. At one point in high school, I was playing 5 days a week (practicing three and games two). Throw on that my commitment to my school work, and a desire to fit in with some semblance of a social life and I simply felt exhausted and trapped. The fun of playing my favorite sport was gone, and shortly after my 18th birthday, I walked away.

So, now as a parent, I use the experience I had as the basis for my thoughts on youth sports. First off, my kids aren't playing organized sports before the age of 5. And when they do, it'll be limited. Part of the problem that I see with youth soccer, for example, is that we get kids wrapped up into structured play so early that the creativity and fun is pulled. At the elementary ages, games are to be fun and youthful, and not at a level that brings stress to those involved (including parents). This is the age we have to build the love and enjoyment of the game.

Second, my kids will play comp sports (or sports in general) when THEY want to, not because I want them to. This is not a slam against my own parents. They knew I was a good athlete, so they wanted me to compete at a level they knew was best. But, the decision wasn't alway mine. I will forever thank them for the opportunities they provided, because I'm a better person from them. But when I see 6 year olds in full pads on the football field I have to wonder if that is the kid wanting that or the parent? For me, I don't see a need for comp sports before middle school. I'm all for a fun Rec. experience for these kiddos, but when the target becomes WIN at ALL costs for an 8 year old, maybe the wrong message is being sent?

And third, I'll be all for the comp experience when my kids show they're ready personality wise. Those that thrive in the comp atmosphere do so because of the attitude that they bring each day. The love of the game drives them to a determination to succeed that makes every training and game not work, but life. When they show a love for it that goes beyond just hanging out with buddies, but to a desire to create an opportunity for themselves in college and beyond then I'm in. And I'll go to the corners of the world to make it happen. But as soon as it become a chore for us all to "make" the kid even go to practice, then it's time to scale back and rethink the commitment.

In the end, I truly hope that one of my four kids builds a love and passion for a sport that draws them in to wanting a comp experience. I, to this day, love soccer. I dream about getting back on the field. About heading a corner into the back of the net again. It was a huge, defining part of my life, but it became something that drained me to the core and in a way left me broken. So, while I'd love to have a kiddo play, I will never push it on them. I want their childhood to be about them, and their dreams. And if that means sports doesn't become a part of it, then I'm ok with it. And that's that.

Talkin' Shop

I had the opportunity to meet and talk with another teacher-dad the other day. He's a 5th grade teacher, and from what I can tell, a pretty damn good one! Whenever I get to talk to other teacher-dads (happens rarely!) I like to get a sense of what inspired them to teach, and how they feel about being a teacher. I knew immediately that his perspective on education was similar to my own.

One of the things I asked him about was whether he felt respected as a male teacher. He said that he hadn't thought about it, but that he had just received a teaching award (super jealous) that helped him realize that he truly did feel as though the community of students and parents at the school appreciate and respect him. That feeling of appreciation from them was all that mattered to him each day. 

Our conversation shifted at that point to acknowledge that we both agreed that we ultimately work for the students and their parents and NOT the principal. All to often, I'm seeing teachers working for the principal, the superintendent, or even the curriculum while forgetting the true purpose of the job is to teach and work for the kids. He made a great point that the role of a good admin is to support the teachers in doing this by not getting in the way of instruction. They need to simply be there to encourage teacher creativity, and promote student safety. I feel that a main contributing factor to the "decline" of  education is the fact that our perspective on who we work for is lost. At the end of each day, week, quarter, semester, and year we need to leave the school knowing we did what was best in the interest of the students and their parents. Instead, we have a strong percentage of teachers more worried about test results and pleasing the district, so our students are suffering. 

At this point, I realized that I didn't want to spend our ENTIRE conversation talking about admins, so I shifted our talk to a less serious topic: being a teacher-dad. :) I asked him how he managed his life as a teacher and a dad. The main point he made was about patience. He admitted that the hardest part about being a teacher-dad for him was the limited amount of patience he had for his own kids after spending an entire day teaching. We traded stories about coming home from a day of teaching and being set off by the smallest of things that our own kids do. Our expectations of our own kids become so much greater than those we have on our students. It becomes unfair for them when you then combined those high expectations with depleted patience, and we are suddenly flying off the handle over spilled milk! And our kids look at us as if we are seriously insane.. which in the moment we totally are! It was so reassuring for me to connect to another person on this level. To know that the frustrations that I have as a tired teacher-dad were shared by someone else. We didn't get into solutions or ways that we could help each other in those moments where our patience levels are gone, but it was healing just being able to share all this with someone similar to me.

As a consumed teacher-dad I find that my world is so heavily centered on teaching and parenting that I forget that there are others out there like me. This small conversation was truly a grounding time for me, and I really needed it! I'm hoping to catch up with him again soon. Probably the at the next district teacher development... which is just weeks away at this point... yeah.... blah... Can't wait to blog that later. 

Daddy Dragon!!

I love being a dad. There is truly nothing more that I wanted to do than be a father when I grew up. So, when I'm home, I do all that I can to be around for my little ones. The down side is that the honey-do list tends to get put aside while I manage a house with 4 kids running around. This has been especially true during the summers. You know, during my "time-off" of teaching. My glorious wife (no she didn't have me write that) owns and operates her own business to continue the stream of income during my non-teaching times. And because she works from home, I do all I can to keep house and manage a daddy day-care. As I'm sure many wonderful housewives will tell you, "It's not easy." Throw on top the normal husbandry house hold chores, and I'm running crazy managing the daily stress created by all that needs to get done!

This past Saturday was a fine example of this. My kids like to get up talking, and being defiant toward anything that I suggest. They'll talk about anything. My oldest loves talking about his robot army that will protect the world, and any other invention he has come us with. My twins like to break all routine that I've tried to keep in place from when mommy was Queen Bee while I was at school. And my lovely daughter, well.. she's a 5 yo typical Alaskan toughie! It was a typical morning sprinkled with the stress of family coming into town, so there was a lot of work needing to be done around the house. That, and my wife was trying to wrap up work for some clients, so she can focus on the family as well. All that, and this was the way the day started:

Me: Alright, before you can have breakfast, you need to use the potty.
A (2 yo): NO!
Me: Please be quiet, mommy is sleeping
A: Mommy see-ping. Okay. No potty!
M (5 yo): Where's PK? Is he up? Can we watch TV?
A: NO!
PK (7yo): Dad will you make me eggs? And I was thinking that when I build my army of robots...
Me: A, you have to go potty. And M & PK will you please go down stairs?
M: PK let's play dragons in my room!!
PK: Sure! Dad will you be the daddy dragon?
ME: Where's OE? A, please get on the potty! Eggs? Sure.. Dragon? Maybe.. I'm just.. wait not in M's room. Remember, mama is still sleeping. Please go downstairs.
M: Yeah! Daddy Dragon will meet us in my room! And OE has your computer! GIVE IT BACK!
Me: Don't yell at OE.. AND PLEASE BE QUIET!
PK: Daddy Dragon, are you coming downstairs?

Now this conversation continued all through potty time and into breakfast. It was un-nerving to hear a constant chorus of "DADDY-DRAGON, Are you...!!"combined with a loud screaming from a hurt child! Then add in the stress of laundry, house cleaning, yard work, and family arriving soon, and my morning was quickly tailspinning out of control! I hadn't even had a sip of coffee yet!

Needless to say, I pretty much turned into a Daddy Dragon. If I could have blown fire, I'm not sure we'd have a house anymore. I'm not proud of it. And it took most of the day to get things back on track with me and the kids, and yes, mama had to get involved to simmer the tensions down. It wasn't pretty, and I felt terrible that I let the stressors of living in a family of 6 get to me.

So to better prepare for my days, I've been trying get up before everyone, and have me time. I'm in a better mood. I can focus on what I want to tackle that day, and I can meet the energy of the kids head on. And while I can still be a daddy-dragon at times, I know that getting myself on a routine that starts with me is important. I know that this "daddy" time is necessary, just like "mommy" time is necessary for all of the mommies out there. It's a hard job managing the house, kids, and everything else. Especially, when you have two or more bouncing in different directions! But, when I get those breaks to the day, the breaks my own wife talks about trying to get while I'm teaching all day during the school year, I'm a much nicer daddy-dragon. And I like being that type of daddy-dragon.. now if I can add more hours to the day to get some of these projects done I would be amazing!

So it begins...

The first post on the blog. Wow. Where do I go with this? Take a serious approach and talk right away about how male teachers don't get any respect!? Or pull a twist and say something like "male teachers get the exact respect we deserve!" That'd be too much. Too hard hitting and I could scare some people away!

Maybe I could do something about being a dad! Take the time to tell a story about my four kids? Go super personal on it! Like how I've been interrupted multiple times to deal with things like wiping a kid's butt, but you don't want to hear about that right now. And frankly, I don't want to recount that experience. Just gross.. just gross. Seriously, buy the strong TP. Not worth saving a few bucks for the cheap stuff!

Oh.. I could take the humorous side of things and talk about a funny classroom time! Like the time I was handing out a big test to my 7th grade Algebra kiddos, and I asked a boy if he needed to borrow a calculator. He responded with this "no, I'm just going to three way with these two." And he pointed to the girls next to him! I had to leave the room and let my student teacher monitor for a few minutes. I just wasn't prepared for that! But, no. That's not the right opening either. 

It's tough. There's so much to talk about. SO much that a Teacher-Dad has to deal with and say. I guess that IS the point of the first post. To show you that this blog is going to cover a variety of things. One post could be hitting some hard ED reform topics and the next could be something as silly as poop or bad innuendoes. We're going to bring it all to entertain and enlighten you about being a Teacher-Dad! It's hard work, but damn it's rewarding!