The Teacher Dad: Time for Better Gun Control

I hate guns. They make me totally and completely uncomfortable. I've held a gun only once, and it was some sort of  military grade weapon and scared the you know what out of me. I couldn't for the life of me understand the why. What was the purpose? The answer I got was, "why not?"

That doesn't work for me. I get needing a gun for certain reasons. I married an Alaskan. I lived in the last frontier for 10 years. I understand hunting, or the need for protection in the wild. My father-in-law owns a gun for such reasons. I don't know much about it, but I know it's there. 

And I know plenty of other people who own guns for hunting purposes. Nothing military grade, but enough to take down a moose or a caribou for winter meat. All of this I get. I get the need for families in Alaska, Montana, Idaho, Wyoming, and other states with a great deal of subsistence lifestyles having hunting weapons. It's not for me, but I'm down with hunters being hunters. 

What I don't get is the need for firearms beyond that. I don't know when exactly my dislike of guns started. I was like most other boys growing up. We played "war" throughout the neighborhood using toy weapons. We'd run in and out of the backyards hiding from each other and springing attacks. 

But at some point that changed. Maybe it was the Brown's Chicken murders in my hometown, or the shooting near my junior high that had us on lockdown until a parent could pick us up. It could have been the front row seat to the Persian Gulf War (90's edition), or the unforgettable Columbine Shooting. It definitely hit the highest of moments at the funeral of a kiddo accidently shot by her relative, but the feeling was permanently sealed in a tearful drive home from teaching while listening to the news covering the Sandy Hook tragedy. 

The days following that terrible event I found myself in a Facebook "discussion" questioning the idea that the gunman would have killed those students and teachers even if he didn't have a gun. I pleaded that there would have been no murders that day if he had walked up to that school with steak knives, but my NRA "friend" wouldn't hear it. In my mind it makes sense that if the types of weapons he used that day were never available, those kids and teachers would still be here today. 

I'm tired of people being hurt out of hate. Guns or no guns. I believe that without the guns less of our brothers and sisters would be dead at the hands of hate. And I can't for the life of me understand how others don't see that. I can't for the life of me understand how a person can see the number of deaths at the hands of gunmen and conclude that to solve this we should have more guns. Let's bring guns into schools and on college campuses to keep people safe, huh? Didn't we progress beyond the "Western" lifestyle shown in a John Wayne movie?

Our country has come a long way since the birth of my first kiddo. Yet, in our present moment we can still have a man walk into a church and kill using a gun given as a gift. It's time to fight for better and frequent background checks. Let's fight to keep the right guns in the hands of those that use them to feed their families. Let's fight to protect kids by being realistic with how people are getting murdered. It's time to press for better representation within our government to help get things on track.  

My 5 kiddos are already living in an America with more freedoms than I grew up in, but I question if it is safer America? And if it's not, does making guns and ammunition more readily available really make anything better? I truly don't think so. And neither does the comedian in the video below. 

Clearly, I'm opening myself up to critics by writing this openly on my blog. I'm not interested in battling over my feelings on this issue, but please feel free to comment. And at least watch the video! Funny and true! 

Accountability

I've recently found myself in a position as a dad that I'm questioning just how I can hold the educators of my own kids accountable for my kids' learning. This is a strange dilemma to be in since I am an educator, and in my opinion... Well, I think I'm great at my job.

So, I'm sitting up late tonight trying to wrap my head around the academic year of one of my kiddos, and where the accountability of the teacher stands. As a teacher I do everything in my power to own the responsibility of my students' learning. If one of them fails, then it was on me. I didn't do my job. I didn't reach them. I didn't bridge the gap to help the student surpass the struggles of home life, learning disadvantages, or content interests. I, me, the teacher didn't get the job done. 

I'm sure you can see that I take this seriously. I expect the educators of my own kids to have the same passion. I want them to own the responsibility of teaching my kids. That these men and women will take the time to understand my children and teach to their strengths. I want them to contact me with more "I" based statements. I want to hear not what my kid isn't doing, but what the teacher is going to do to help. I'm tired of the word intervention. I'm tired of not "meeting standards." I want to hear "your kid is learning at his/her pace and that's great! Here's how I'm helping bridge a couple of gaps I've noticed." 

I want to hear responsibility not blame. Standards aren't teaching my kids or your kids. Educators teach the kids. Not apps on iPads, not Sylvan Learning Centers, not parents for hours after school each night, but teachers. 

The great teachers know this. The great ones or those of us striving to bring this to our classrooms. I'll tell you that it's exhausting, but as a father of 5, it's more exhausting to worry for my own kiddo's learning experience. So, I'm up wondering how this entire year, ending in less than a week, can be positively justified. What was my child's gain? 

And at this point, the positive is that the summer is around the corner, and my kids will be kids again. We can work on things that interest them. Read and write at our leisure. We can do learning the way we think it needs to be done. So that by the start of the next year, we can be ready for the next teacher and hope for the best. 

Happy Fourth Birthday

Four years ago today, my wife and I began an amazing trip across the country to hold our twin boys and start a new chapter in our lives. I'm still not sure exactly how we were able to do it. Everytime I think back, I'm overwhelmed by how it all came together so perfectly.  The late night phone call, the scramble to book tickets, the phone calls for help, the excitement of traveling all night and day. It represents one those times when you know that a bigger universal power must exist. For everything to fall together the way it did, I know that these, now 4 years olds, were meant to be, and are forever my kids.

They have grown so fast, and with each day make our lives better. When my wife and I decided to add to our family through adoption it was because our hearts told us it was the next path. We followed our hearts, and they are forever bigger and better because of these two amazing boys.

We love you both so much for what you each bring to our family. While you are twins, you are so incredibly unique. A with your charming smile, strength, and athletic nature. O with your love of music, kindness, and inquisitive mind. Your friendship and love to each other is so perfect. Thank you for making your mom and I as well as your siblings the luckiest people in the world.

Here is the video we made when we first brought our boys home. Enjoy it, and have the tissue ready!

You can also read more about our story at the following links. 

* And Then There Were Six

* It's So Amazing

* Our Adoption Blog

Monday Night Flag Football

For the past several weeks our oldest son has been playing in a flag football league. It has been so amazing watching him and his team grow together to learn a sport that, well clearly they weren't born to play. That may not sound fair, but to paint the picture think of a team that lacks raw talent and is kind of on the nerdy side. Something out of a Rick Moranis youth football movie (you know you saw that movie!). They are super cute and fun to watch. Especially the team spirit. The high-fives as each squad runs on and off the field just makes this daddio smile! They have so much fun, even as they watch other team score.. And score some more.

And while all that is enjoyable, the part I appreciate most is the sportsmanship shown from the coaches of the other teams we're playing. There is no running up the score; there is no teasing, or taunting. Instead, I see the coaches making the game work for both teams.  They take players off to give our team a little advantage. These coaches show care in talking with their teams to stress sportsmanship to the point where our team receives cheers for "big" plays from everyone including the players on the opposing team.

The result of all this is that our team is getting better. They still come to the games ready to work hard and keep trying. They don't "expect" to loose or get special treatment. They are there to figure out this game and get better. Our coach and the other teams' coaches are all chipping in to make that happen. So as our season is winding down I know that my boy is better and more confident from the experience. He can even say that he caught a TD and threw for a TD in the same game! I also know that he values good sportsmanship and doing the right thing not because it means he gets an "advantage," but because everyone walks away feeling better.

The Teacher Dad : Parenting for Change

I'm a 37 year old white father of twin bi-racial 4 year old boys. I couldn't be any more proud of that fact. They are 2 of my 5 kids all of whom I love dearly. Our mixed race family turns heads everywhere we go, mostly because we are super cute! But also because we are clearly a loving family.

When my wife and I decided to add to our family through adoption we knew the responsibility we would have in raising our soon to be diverse family. We talked about the challenges that our boys could face as Black Americans, but then again we also discussed the challenges our daughters will face, and the overall hurdles we as parents will face in raising all of kids. Being a parent is challenging work regardless of family make-up. 

Our goal is to raise strong independent thinkers that can show empathy and compassion for all types of people. Kids that can follow rules, but also know when a rule needs to be reevaluated and challenged. We encourage our kids to feel, think, and question.

So, as I sift through the recent events surrounding the death of Freddie Grey in Baltimore, I'm asking myself what I would be saying to my boys if they were older. How would I try to explain to them what happened, and what has been a pattern of "happenings" in recent years towards black males?

And it's super hard. Because I'll have to explain to my suburban American kids that life isn't "fair" to everyone in our country. That there are some kids born into homes that don't have the same support and love that they do.There are kids born into families that live in places where opportunity is different, where schools are not like the ones they go to. That there isn't a choir class, or iPads, or arts & theater, or a library with new books every year. It's hard for me to have to explain that there are people that don't think it's fair to help these kids and families because they feel by helping we are only furthering a problem. That help equals dependency, and it's not okay to help people that will just then rely on that help.

I know that when I say these things the response will be, "why?" "Why are kids not being treated fairly?" "Why are there schools that don't have the same things my school does?" "Why do their families not have the same opportunity?" "Why do people feel that way about kids and families in that community?"

They are going to ask all of the right questions.  And I'll have to explain to them that it's history. That there has been a history of segregating the have nots from the haves. That while our country was founded on the idea of all men being created equal, it hasn't been practiced by everyone. I see that I'll have to look into the eyes of my kids and explain that because 4 of them fall into a "minority" subclass, that they might find a tougher road. And that's simply because of skin color or gender. That our country has a history of stereotyping people just on looks alone.

I think of all of this, and I struggle with the idea that in 8 years when my boys are 12, that all of this could still be going on. That 8 years later we could still see areas of extreme poverty in our country. That we could still hear the same "just work harder" banter. That when my kids finally do ask "why" I'll have no better answers than I do today.

A colleague recently asked me about our decision to move to this community. A community that is noticeably less diverse than our previous Fairbanks, AK home. Did it play into consideration? Sure. It was a worry to know that our boys could be even more of a minority in this town. But, I also explained that since moving here we've connected with other families like ours, and that while we are not the norm, we are cared for. Does that mean things will be easy when our boys are bigger? No. No it doesn't. Their mom and I will have to put a strong emphasis on the importance of first impressions. On how to be mindful of surroundings and the situations they put themselves in. We'll have to talk about tone and the power it has in positive communication. The truth is we'll have to do this with all of our kids, because it's true for each of them. 

In the end, I know that they won't be totally alone in that they will always have the love from each other, their siblings, extended family, their friends, and of course their mom and me. We're so proud of the little men they're becoming and regardless of the life struggles put in front of them, this loving support team will always be there. 

The Teacher Dad : Teacher Appreciation Week

My last bite from day 2 leftovers! 

The other day our student council decided to get the staff a Chinese food lunch for teacher appreciation week. How awesome is that, right?! The funny thing is that when you get things catered and people have specific lunch schedules things have to be timed correctly. Well, it turned out that the food didn't get to school soon enough, and the teachers with the first lunch period missed out on the food completely. Not a big deal, because the amazing admins, students, and staff made sure to get plates of food to those that missed out.

But the entire issue got me thinking, and I realized that what happened in our building is a good picture of how things work for teachers across the US. Ultimately, what some teachers have available to them depends greatly on where their lunch falls (or where they teach). There are some schools out there with unlimited resources at their disposal, including parent volunteers, booster moneys, P/D funds, and technology devices. While others work in places that require them to spend out of pocket for nearly everything they need in the classrooms. There are schools where parents are begged to help on field trips, and all extra-curricular activities are funded at bare-bones unless they are strictly academically focused (i.e. you won't find a bowling team at these schools). These are the schools where the teachers weren't even offered a lunch!

I happen to work at the school with the best lunch schedule. You name we've got it, and if not.. we can write a quality grant and get it. We are super supported by an amazing community, and everyone around knows it. And, what amazes me is that I run into teachers that don't realize the great lunch schedule we have. "Lunch wasn't warm enough" (class size), "wanted chicken fried rice not pork" (kids not doing homework), "the seats aren't massaging" (teacher pay). And while those are all solid issues in the world of academics, there are teachers in the other lunch that don't even have a microwave to heat up the food brought from home! It is so easy to take things for granted, and educators are no different.

There are days that I wish all teachers would have to teach in a variety of different environments, so that we can all have a taste of what it's like some place else. I've had the privilege of teaching in 3 different schools in two different districts. I've seen a lot of things that have helped me shape my views on public education, and have helped me to appreciate a great thing when I've found it. I see the need to advocate for educational change and equality. But without a common voice, its hard to fight for change. Especially, when we do try and all it sounds like it teachers wanting more money or other negative headlines take over.

So, if you're reading this, and you haven't yet, please contact your kiddo's teachers and thank them for doing what they do. Sure, some of them might not be the best teacher your kiddo could have. You may not even like them. But the truth is, you don't know which lunch they might have at school or in life. And while, a quality teacher can leave all that aside to be the best they can be for the students, some just might need a pick me up that a "thanks, you're appreciated" message could bring to their day. So to my fellow teachers out there fighting the good fight.. I appreciate you!

The Teacher Dad - Creating Memories

When I think back to my childhood, I think of specific memories. I remember big family vacations to Disney World, Sea World, Dude Ranches (yes that happened), and also little things like my sisters and I laughing at local Chicagoland commercials, and coming up with our own "van" dances to particular songs on the radio. There are playground memories, school friend memories and crazy memories.. like the time our neighbor lady walked out naked in front of all the neighbor boys.. to her defense, her kids shouldn't have let us all in her bedroom to play video games while she showered! Yikes!

Being the parents of 5 kiddos, my wife and I are always looking for ways to create these positive memories (sans the nudity) for our kids and their grandparents, and all of our extended family. As a photographer (Machc Photography), my wife has done an amazing job capturing it all for us to display in our house, and further encouraging our families to help in creating these memories. 

So, over our recent spring break my parents, while visiting from Chicago, made sure to create as many memories as possible with our kids during the time they were here. From trips to the Oregon Zoo and Children's Museum down to hotel sleep overs, and Fro-Yo at Menchie's, the kids are still talking about the wonderful things there were able to do with their Granny and Gramps. It was an amazing trip, and I can't thank them enough!

A quick pic at the Oregon Zoo

The best part about it is that I've learned something from thinking about my memories and talking over with my kids what they thought the high points of the visit were, and it ultimately isn't about the big stuff. The number one thing they liked was being in the pool with the Granny and Gramps. A close second was the hotel continental breakfast the mornings after the sleep over!  What they remember from it all, and what I truly feel when I think back to my memories are the feelings of happiness, love, and togetherness. It's those feelings we, as parents, have to recognize and encourage even through the taking to school, picking up from school, taking to practice, doing frustrating homework, cleaning up spills, and all the other chaos. We have to remember to keep those feelings front and center for our kiddos, so they can look back and feel those moments with us. So that funny song we sang on the way to practice in the car was a moment we let ourselves enjoy too. 

So go.. enjoy the moments with the kiddos to create memories you all will be able to look back on later down the line.

Thanks again for reading my blog, and sharing it with your friends! I'd love to hear some of your funny/silly memories, so please share in the comments below!