I'm Santa

"Daddy?"

"Yeah. What's up, buddy?"

"Santa's real, right?"

"Ugh...?"

.....

I'm a fan of Christmas. I always have been. I don't remember (spoiler alert!) when exactly I learned that Santa wasn't real. I'm sure it was middle elementary school (3rd or 4th grade), around the time when the older kids found humor in our confusion over condominiums and condoms... One of my friends unfortunately argued his family lived in... well.. easy mistake at that age. 

While I don't remember the when exactly, I know it wasn't until my middle to late teen years that I found peace with the meaning of Santa and the reality that Santa is something that lives in us all. 

It's bothered me that as parents we create this "lie" to our kids and insist that Santa exists as a real man dressed in red that delivers presents with flying reindeer and sleigh, even when our kids question the feasibility. We answer the questions with the easy "he's magic" answer, and hope that our kids just buy it until their classmates on the playground are teasing them for still believing. Not a comfortable conversation follows that scenario, and the kiddo might question everything you say from then on! (Over dramatic? Maybe.. OR maybe not! 😜)

So, this year I found myself facing more of these questions from my oldest. He's a super bright 3rd grader. His questions got the attention of his 6 year old sister, so now things were serious! I decided to approach their questions with two of my own.

The first question I posed was to ask them what they thought or believed. Instead of answering with "he's magic" and walking away or replying with "yup, he doesn't exist", I decided to use a teaching skill and have them reflect on what they believed. For a topic like Santa, this reflection gets them thinking with their hearts; the place, I believe, the true Santa can be found. 

The question that followed was to ask, "what if I'm (daddy is) Santa?" This really got their eyes popping! "ARE you Santa?" they would ask. To which I replied, "what does your heart tell you?" Again, I wanted them to think about it and consider it. By at least placing the idea in their heads that I could be Santa, my hope is that they will be more comfortable transitioning to this reality. That and it's a great boost for me: "Daddy you can't be Santa! You're not old and fat!" ...sweet!! 😀

My goal in answering their questions with my own questions is to help them reflect on who Santa is to them. If my plan works, they will see that Santa is something that lives inside us all, and while there might not be a magical, jolly, fat man that lives in the North Pole, it doesn't mean that we all can't still make Christmas a magical day by embracing our inner Santas for the ones that we love. 

I hope you all had a Merry Christmas, and I would love to hear some of your stories on how you've handled the "Is Santa real" question. 

My promises to my 5 kids

I started writing this while holding my newly born daughter in the hospital. The 5th kiddo created by the love my wife and I share. When I was a kid, I always knew that I would be a dad and a husband. In fact, these details were all that I was sure of. The boyhood dream of being a dad isn't what I thought it would be. It's not that it's harder; it's just there are certain parts that I expected to have been smoother. For example, as a kid I knew that I would be going to college and because of that I would never have to worry about money. (Cute kid thinking, huh!?)

So while I think back about those little dreams I had about what my life as a dad was going to be like, I see how my thoughts about fatherhood have changed. These changes are a list of promises that I have made to all 5 of my kids. I keep adding to theses promises, but for now here is my list. 

1) I promise to always love your mom. This is number 1 because without the love that your mom and I share, all of you don't exist. This love is where our family began, and I promise to not let it ever go away.

2) I promise to love each of you forever. This doesn't mean the same, because none of you are the same. You will each need me differently as you grow up, and I promise to love you so much that I will learn what that need is and fill it to the best of my ability. 

3) I promise to not be perfect. I'm realistic. I will make plenty of mistakes as your dad; just as you will make mistakes. I promise that I will show you what it means to own your mistakes and to learn from them to become a better version of yourself.

4) I promise to get you all the essentials for everyday living and an occasional item off the "want" list. It's important to know that you can't necessarily have everything just because you want it. I will help you learn how to work hard to collect more if not all of those "wants."

5) I promise that I'll tell you when you can't leave the house looking like that. And yes I'll mean it, and of course I'll accept your apology after you tell me that you hate me.

6) To my daughters, I promise that I'll think nobody is good enough for you,... But when he proves me wrong, I'll apologize. 

7) I promise to allow each of you to become yourselves. I'll give you the freedom to express who you are as long as you are respecting yourself along the way. Try things. Be safe, and know that while I may be disappointed, I will always and forever love you. 

8) I promise to show you how to greive, so that when the day comes when I have to say goodbye, you all will be able to take care of each other knowing that my love for you all didn't leave with me. 

I know that this list is missing something, or maybe it isn't. If you can think of a good addition or something that needs tweaking please leave a comment.

Have a great day, and be a great dad, because you can!

Dealing with my own kids' stress - Teacher-Dad grade C-

Anticipation and anxiety are killers for kids, and parents. Kids can't hold onto calm when they know something is going to be happening, or is coming to them either positively or negatively. This month has been full of anticipation and anxiety for my kids from planning our flight to Auntie's wedding, to Thanksgiving, and finally to the arrival of a new baby.. and Grandma & Grandpa next month, my kids have been exhausted from the amount of energy they are releasing in anticipating and stressing about all of these things.

The hard part for this teacher-dad is that it doesn't end there for my kiddos. If that were all that they could be "worrying" about, then I think my wife and I would be managing better. But, when you tack on the rest of the day-to-day living "anticipations" or "anxieties" like school work, gymnastics class, late start Wednesdays, snow days, eye doctor appointments, an uncomfortable prego mama, and losing a 1st tooth, it can be too overwhelming for the kiddos. And, I hate to admit this, but when all of that is going on, it's all too easy for me to get wrapped up in the whirlwind of crazy and forget to look at my kids as well.. kids.

I seem to be able to look at my students as kids with anxieties and outside pressures better than I do my own kids. This is a fact that I'm grappling with, and I think I've realized what it boils down to. In the classroom, I have a set of fall backs or tricks I can use when I can see a student struggling in my class because of outside influences. My options are my own in the classroom, and I work to make things as fair as I can without handing out grades that are unearned, or foregoing assignments. It is easy for me to say, "just turn it in tomorrow" or "why don't we just wait on taking this test for now" or "let's take more time to complete this in class tomorrow" because I know that those are realistic and helpful options in those situations. I also have the foresight to know this, because I'm not wrapped up in whatever chaos may be swirling in that student's life. I can see that whatever they are going through is more important than my math class, and accommodate my class to help them deal with that drama.

However, when it's my own kids, in my own house, there is often no time to step back and see the bigger picture. I'm in the heat of the battle.. sometimes quite literally, and I can't step back and remember ALL of the crazy that is swirling through the everyday happenings of my own kids. So, while I see 3 of 4 kids screaming in JC Penny (sorry about that guys!), I needed to be able to step back and know that they were feeling the anxiety of a new shopping routine, and a snow day as well as the anticipation of getting a "treat" for good behavior. All of it overwhelmed 3 of my 4, and I just couldn't see it. Instead, I was "that" dad. You know, the one with the "super frustrated, yell-whispering, opposite of calm look that speaks of a guy that never goes out with his kids in public" type dad.

Looking back, I see now that the three screamers needed more "prep" on what the trip was all about. It wasn't fair for us all to get into the van and drive through the snow to a store we barely go to and not tell them "the plan." They didn't know what to expect and that fact alone gives kids stress and anxiety. And because I was wrapped up in my own thoughts on getting us there safely, and in having a moment to talk with my wife, I didn't see the ways I could have helped. For example,  I spend a moment at the start of each class period explaining the topic of the day, AND I make sure to stick to a routine that my students get use to in order to build their comfort. Yet, in this moment I didn't do that for my own kids, and we paid for it... My ears are still ringing, btw.

In the end, reflection on a past situation always leads to the easy solution of what I should have done. But the truth is, I need to focus on delivering "the plan" much better with my own kids even in those moments of crazy. I need to help us by laying things out just like I do in my classroom so that I can ease the stress for my own children. So for now, I'm giving myself a C- in this category as a Teacher-Dad. Plenty of room to improve, but not the worst!

Adventurous Learning

Ok. It's time to get everyone up to speed on all the things going on for this Teacher-Dad! 

1) I interviewed for a new teaching position in late May. The interview was over Skype to a panel of 6 teachers and admin. Oh, and it included a lesson on the Law of Sines. 

2) I was offered the job in early June. Apparently, I rock Skype interviews! :)

3) The offer was just too good to pass up, so I accepted.

4) Announced our move with the exciting news that we are expecting our 5th kiddo (December due date)! 

5) At the end of July, my wife, father-in-law, & I drove our 4 kids and 2 cats in 2 vehicles 2400 miles from Fairbanks, Ak to Washington State.

6) We've been here just over 2 months and we're 5 weeks into the school year.

7) And mixed throughout all that my wife has kept her business going, and I've been working with a teacher-buddy on a new Podcast... So yeah

Wow... I have to admit that I've read over that a couple of times, and I'm overwhelmed by it all! How did this happen?! Why make a change? How did we know it would be ok?

The statement I hear the most when I tell our story is, "Wow, you guys must be adventurous!" This is followed by, "I could never do that," as the person then slowly walks away shaking his head and glancing back at us with a look mixed with confusion and envy. 

I have to admit the word "adventurous" has never been a word that anyone from my childhood could ever use to describe me. I was scared of my own shadow! I was frequently wrapped up in my own self doubt. It's hard to take chances and be adventurous when you don't believe in your ability to accomplish things. 

I see this fear or lack of self confidence a lot in my math classroom. I hear that phrase, "I could never do that" or a variation of it all the time. But it makes sense. Here we are as teachers asking kids to be adventurous and step out of comfort zones to learn new things each day. We are asking them to trust us and take chances to make them smarter and stronger. Some naturally walk into a room with self-confidence, but many don't. So how do we help students open up and be adventurous?

I've thought a lot about this over the last several months, as I've looked around at the changes my wife and I decided to make for our family. I've watched what my kiddos have gone through adjusting to a new life and new surroundings. It hasn't been easy. Stress levels have been pushed. But we knew they would. 

The truth is, I could never have done any of this without my wife. Throughout this entire process I've been able to collaborate with the person I trust more in life than anyone. We've problem solved, critically thought, and planned all of this together. We trust the intelligence of one another, and use that trust to take well thought out and agreed on chances.

It's that part right there that matters the most and translates right into the classroom and to parenting. How can we as teachers and parents create that collaborative trust between our kiddos and between our kiddos & ourselves in order to help them have the comfort of taking learning chances? The answer is in the relationships. It is in how welcoming we are as teachers. How open are you with your kiddos? Do they trust you won't let then down or let them fall? Can they see you taking your own chances and at times missing the mark? How do you respond in those moments? 

The best teachers let the kids get comfortable. They manage the room with mutual respect and not as a dictator. Each kid has a voice and is encouraged & supported to us it. We create a blanket of comfort that the kids wrap themselves in and use to take learning chances. They ask questions, get correct answers, and start believing that they too can take chances. So when they do hit a hurdle, they don't use it to define themselves in the class, but instead use it to learn and grow. They can use that fall as a time to collaborate with trusted peers to reflect for learning and not as a tool for added self-doubt. 

Our victories as teachers and as parents are directly linked to those trusting relationships and the comfort our kiddos have in taking adventurous learning chances. I'm proud that I've modeled that in my life, and can now focus on continuing to work toward making my home as well as my classroom a trusted place for adventurous learning.

The Common Core and my Fraternity

I'm a proud, life-long alumni member of my fraternity, Sigma Chi. I didn't go to college with the intention of joining a fraternity; I watched Animal House too many times to think I would fit in. But when I went through the process, I came across a group of guys that I got along with, and seemed generally interested in things I also enjoyed. Choosing to become a pledge, and going through initiation proved to be one of the best decisions of my life in that it opened me up to learning about myself, but also about working with a diverse and changing group of people.

Sigma Chi is based on a set of principles: Friendship, Justice, and Learning. And, based on those basic principles, a diverse group of men can put aside differences of opinion to work together to accomplish greatness. The basic standard that we live by and find members by is called The Jordan Standard. It highlights the following qualities that we are reminded to be:

*men of good character 

*students of fair ability

*set with ambitious purposes

*having congenial dispositions

*possessed of good morals

*having a high sense of honor

*having a deep sense of personal responsibility 

Pretty straight forward, right? How we accomplish these traits are not laid out or broken down into great detail. It doesn't bullet out that "men of good character" must open doors for old ladies. Or that "having a congenial disposition" will be demonstrated each March during the chapter's open mic night. Or that by the time we are juniors "having a high sense of honor" will be shown by 6 specific sub categories. We are given broad ideas that we can interpret for ourselves and for our chapter. 

I witnessed this open interpretation of the standards when I attended the Sigma Chi Leadership Training Workshop when I was an undergrad. Members from most of the chapter across the US and Canada came together to exchange ideas and talk Sigma Chi. It was eye opening for me to see how different we all were. How our chapter location and university culture could lead to such different views on things. But, we all shared the same value structure and we all worked with the same pride in the organization. The same drive to be great. It was remarkable to see such difference in approach and perspective driven by our common belief and standards. 

When I came back to my chapter I looked around and realized how different my own chapter brothers and I were as well. I was reminded of this recently, when a fraternity brother of mine posted a message on facebook. He was calling out a person based on the ideals that we share as members of this fraternity in a way that I didn't agree with. And in most of his posts I disagree with him and some of his worldly views. Yet, these differences, while upsetting at times, bring a perspective to me that I never considered. It opens me up to understanding a vastly different look at the world. His intentions and goals are the same as mine, but his interpretation on how to use our common ideals are so different. Neither way is better. They are just different, because we have been left to take these broader standards and interpret them as we see fit. 

It is here that the DOE can take some notes. There is nothing wrong with setting a Common Core set of educational standards for our kids. We should all be striving for educational excellence in our schools. Laying out what that means in a broad way can be so helpful, especially in a school like mine that is 60% military families that are coming and going frequently. But to lay down such specifics on what each of these standards mean almost all the way down to the how it should be done starts to take away the respect of differences. I have yet to teach the same kid twice. In fact, the students I have today are not the same version of the kid that started my class in August. The life I grew up in back home in Illinois, is not at all comparable to the community that my own kids are growing up in here in Fairbanks. Yet, the common core in all of its specifics takes none of that into consideration. 

As an educator I strive to understand, appreciate, and nourish the differences in all of my students. I recognize that my kiddos will all learn differently, and I broaden my teaching to reach as many as I can. But when I look at the specifics of each of the standards that I need to reach for next year, I see where this Common Core missed the mark. Where the potential to show respect to the schools and districts is missed, because we have been over looked in our ability to teach to the strengths of our students. 

I've spoken out supporting aspects of the Common Core (click here). But in general, I think the DOE overreached with this. An opportunity was missed because the passion for what we teachers do each day wasn't felt by those creating these standards. The love for what I do daily wasn't present in the room when the Common Core was sent out to us all. It would have been similar to a university president and board of regents choosing the founding ideals and standards for Sigma Chi. They wouldn't have had a genuine stake in the creation of the fraternity, so the passion for creating what we would represent and accomplish wouldn't fit. It would be disjointed and nearly 160 years later the fraternity wouldn't exist. Much like I'm sure the Common Core will not exist as we see it today even 10 years from now. So, I'll continue to do what I do everyday, which is to teach my students the best way I can. And to strive to reach whatever standards are laid in front of me understanding that I'll interpret those standards for me and my students. If that means some don't do as well on the "TEST" as they should, then so be it. Because as long as my students leave my classroom driven to be something, and then following that drive to accomplish further greatness later... I did my job, and those standards didn't have any part of that. I did. The teacher. You can call it the Runkle in me.

The bad business of education

I was recently removed from consideration for a teaching position out of state. This shouldn't be too big a surprise being that all new personnel options get moved from the list until the final candidate is chosen. The part that I had a hard time with was the reason I was eliminated from consideration.

I had made the short list of candidates (about 5) for interview and consideration at a school that I had been in contact with for a few years. Let's say that I have a few connections. I was so excited to get the email letting me know that it was interview time! But when I went to schedule the interview, I learned that I was no longer on the list, because I had too much experience. Huh?

Was I qualified? Most definitely, I made the short list. But without even an interview, I was overlooked simply because of my experience. My personality match, work ethic, references, all of it overlooked, because I've been teaching too long and they couldn't match the years.

As a teacher, I totally get this. Budgets are tight everywhere in the ED world. It was fortunate to even find a school to have a math opening.. 3 math openings. But as a man with a business degree and 4 children of my own, this decision just doesn't make any sense.

It's sad that we look at schools as a place to trim budgets forcing schools to operate at limited personnel levels with new teachers that are frequently thrown to the wolves. At no point, was the question about what was best for the students. You know... the reason we have schools. It was never about the candidate that would have the best impact on the school and the department. It didn't become a question of who could come in and bring a spark of energy and creativity that could make the building that much better for the students. Or maybe it did, but at the pay range that suited them best.

I know this type of stuff happens in the world of business. But typically not to a 36 year old; some one in the prime of productivity and experience. Maybe to someone in his 50s... 60s that has reached the top, and was cut due to greed, mergers, or both.

But for schools, where the "business" is educating kids, the best fit should always come first. It shouldn't always come down to money. Would it have sucked to have heard, "Well Ken, we just don't think you're the best fit for our school right now." Sure it would have! But, at least the decision would have been about the school and the kids. At least I would have had a chance to interview and meet the people I would have been working with. Instead, I'm sitting back and contemplating the state of education.

I've realized that one of the main problems with education is that we continue to run it with a bad business plan. We greedily funnel the money to the top, and neglect the overall product. The best business minds in our country can be found at their offices mingling with employees, nurturing them to help create the best product and service for their clients. The decisions made are always about what is best for the customer, and not strictly about the bottom line. There is trust in the employees to do their jobs, and to maintain that trust there is mutual respect from the top all the way down. But that's just not the case in education. The news is hardly about what is best for students. We are constantly told we are not cutting it. Decisions are made at a larger level that fall to the shoulders of the workers. The best of us meet all challenges head on, and work to have a voice for change. The majority fester in frustration, anxiety, and fear. The majority that represents our work force in the media, and in political discussions. How do you think their classrooms are for students if there is the constant sound of disgust coming from outside voices?

At the rate things are going, I don't see a change happening any time soon. Quality education leadership is hard to come by, and those that are great find their own voices limited in the political arena. To their credit, they're out there, and they're trying. It's just hard to move forward when those in charge are fearful of you.

It also appears as though I'll be teaching in this district for quite a bit longer. At least, I know that what I'm doing in my classroom is student centered, and supported by my students, their parents, and my principal. It's not like our boss (the "super") is checking in on us anyways... I wonder how his paid Admin leave is going....? I'm sure a post about that would get me in trouble... darn.

Building up our kids to Dream for the Future

I came across this picture a few weeks ago while cleaning out some boxes in storage. This is me on my high school graduation day with my grandparents. When I think back about that day, I remember them being there, but I have no memory of them being proud or excited about the milestone. And really, I don't remember being proud either.

As a kid I always knew that graduating high school was expected. There really wasn't a choice. So, as I  made my way through high school, the basic expectation of graduation was never daunting, it was something I had to do, so I was going to make it happen. For me, graduating wasn't about accomplishing anything major, it was about moving on to the next phase. It was about moving away from the person I was in order to become the adult I was expected to be.

The problem with this is that I became less of a dreamer about what I wanted as I focused on the check points along the life path I was on. Everything was set out for me which narrowed my vision as to my options for life beyond high school. That meant that my focus was centered on the "now," and the fun in the present. I wasn't looking ahead to what could be, but was instead dreaming for the moments in the present (day dreaming).

As a teacher I see this a lot. Students that come in having had their ability to dream about their futures stymied by life at home. For me it was due to a parental path that was safely laid out in front of me with an end goal of financial wealth beyond college; all done with the best of intentions. For others, it is stymied by a more harsh world. A world where parents aren't around, and when they are, the kids are made to believe that they aren't good enough for a life different then what they have already. The absolute worst is when these are combined. When parents have a high standard beyond college that they discuss with their child only to further tell the kid it's a life he will never achieve. For me, the career paths were narrowed by options that weren't good enough for the desired end goal, but for these kiddos the career choices are limited by what they are made to believe THEY aren't good enough for.

The result? A student body that is focused on surviving the moment. Not able to see the impact of work they are doing in school, and how it can shape the future. We have a group of students interested in the world of games where shaping the future is possible due to the strengths of the character the student is playing. Because for that moment, he can accomplish anything with the press of a button, and the game is won. Simple. No one there to stop the dream from happening.

As a teacher, I strive to help my students dream. To provide lessons and support that give them the chance to grow into confident learners. To provide an adult in their lives that they know believes in them as a competent individual with limitless potential. I strive to help my students see all that they can become, and to encourage them to define what they believe happiness should be, and to work for it.

Finding the picture above was so eye opening for me. I had no idea the pride my grandparents had that day. But to see those smiles now. To know that there was so much they felt, but didn't say to me, helps me realize all that I truly want to be for my own kids, and for my students. They all need to know the pride I have for them, and the belief I have in them. It is what I expect from the teachers my own kids have each year, and it's what I expect my fellow teachers to have about the kids in our building. Teaching is about building the confidence and the skills of the young dreamers, so that we can make the world a better place. Our job isn't to force content, but to use content to help guide the kiddos to learning about themselves.

I encourage you to let your kids and students dream. To help them believe that what they dream can be a reality, and that you have confidence in them to get there. And that along the way, you will be there to help guide and support in all ways that you can. Even if that means they want to be the driver of the Pizza Planet Truck, or a CareBear, or the builder of Lego weapons that keep the world safe. Let them learn to dream about the future, so that along the path of learning they can shape those dreams into the reality they truly want.

Side note: I think I turned out pretty good, so in no way am I complaining about the path my parents had set for me. In fact, without that path, the husband, father, and teacher I am today wouldn't have been possible. So, thanks Mom and Dad. Love you.