Today is Thanksgiving, and well, I didn't turn my alarm off last night, so I'm up early with a quiet house.. might as well write a post I've been trying to frame all month! :)
November is a month dedicated to a lot of things. There is the obvious Thanksgiving connection with plenty of your friends posting a daily thankful post on Facebook. For me, I'm most thankful for my wife and 4 kids. They're amazing, and throw me through a wide range of emotions and levels of exhaustion each and every day that make me a better husband, father, and teacher with each minute I spend with them. I love it!
November is also the "awareness" month for diabetes, epilepsy, and healthy skin to name 3 of 14 that I was able to track down. Out of those 14 there is one that stands closest to my heart, Adoption Awareness Month.
As I mentioned before, my wife and I have four beautiful children together, half of which came to us through adoption. I'm pretty sure you would be able to recognize which two they are, as they don't necessarily have the same skin tone as my wife or I, but then really none of my kids share the same skin tone. In fact, when you do look at us, we are a unique hodge-podge of personalities, hair colors/type, and attitudes. We are quite the head turners when we go out. I call us a parade of crazy as we thunder through stores! :)
People are always stopping us to say how beautiful our family is. And they are.. My family. There is no doubt in my mind that the four kids that I tuck in every night are mine. I'm equally their father, and I love them of each so very much. My heart couldn't be any more full with gratitude for the fact that I have each of them. Each a miracle.
Creating a family is difficult in so many ways. There are many factors that are out of your control in just having a child to start with: getting pregnant, finding an adoption match, or working through the foster care system are all things that require outside forces (whatever you would like to call them) that you simply have to wait and hope for. And then, when Baby arrives the parenting journey doesn't just get easier. All of the worry and hope you had leading up to the baby being born continues each day as you work hard to parent your child to becoming a competent, strong member of our society. It's overwhelming at times. But the magic of life that my kids bring to me each day is just phenomenal!
Since going through our adoption, I feel like my wife and I have become the go-to advocates for our friends and family. We love talking with parents that are interested in following our path, and we've been thrilled to watch others create/add to their family using our attorney/agency. So as to not make this an extremely long post (my kids are waking up now wanting some breakfast), I'm going to highlight a few of the key learning points you should know about adoption:
1) My kids weren't "given up" for adoption. Asking adoptive parents why the kids were "given up" isn't the best approach. An adoption plan was made, and in the end, that plan is for my wife, my kids, and I to know. Ultimately, you have to squash that curiosity until the family is at a place that they are comfortable in sharing such information with you. And, sorry, but that might be... never.. :)
2) Yes, they're mine. The one question I'm asked the most is "Are they yours?" Now, I understand that my crew and I look unusual. I can see all of the questions that cross people's minds as we walk by, and because we are that "odd," filters are thrown out the window and we get "are they yours?" My fun response is, "Shh, no! I found these two a couple aisles over, but don't tell!" That one doesn't go over that well.. go figure! :) So, I would advise to instead say, "you have a beautiful family." Yup.. that's it. Because if the kids aren't all mine, that's the point I would say, "oh no, I'm just watching these two." See.. much better. Assuming that we are a family, actually makes things less awkward.
3) Introducing your friend's kids with the descriptor, "and these are their adopted kids" isn't necessary. It kinda gives the feeling of a sideshow. "Look! These kids are different!" My kids are simply my kids. I wouldn't think to introduce your kids with, "and this one was born vaginally, while the other two here are C-section babies.. neat, huh?!" A little weird, right? So, let the adoption talk be handled by the parents. It makes things a little smoother.
4) If you see a family that appears to have children that are adopted, walking up and saying, "they're adopted, right?" as though you just solved some mystery to win a prize is actually quite annoying. Whether they are or not, is simply not important. The fact that they are a family is all that matters. Even if you have adopted, and you are just trying to make a connection the blunt approach can be awkward. Again, I have gone with, "your family is beautiful, it reminds me of my family." See? Opening the door to show that "hey what you have going on here, is similar to me." Better, right?.. yes! :)
Ok.. my kids are starving, so I'm going to leave you with those 4 tidbits. I'd love to hear more suggestions or even field any questions that you may have. Please leave a comment below, and share the post if you'd like. Thanks for reading this, and HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!
Showing posts with label parents. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parents. Show all posts
Thursday, November 28, 2013
Saturday, October 12, 2013
To play (sports), or not to play (sports)
I listen to ESPN radio in the mornings. I'm a dad. It's something that I simply have to do at this point in life. I can tell you the exact point I started listening too. I was flipping around AM radio back in
the summer of 2006 (shortly after my first was born) looking for anything about the World Cup that was currently being played in Germany. I finally get to ESPN radio, and this jerk, Colin Cowherd, is slamming American soccer saying that the absolute best American athletes play football or basketball and not soccer, so we'll never truly compete in the sport when the best athletes of other countries Do play soccer! I was furious! I'm a soccer player! I was a great athlete, and by the end of the show... I totally agreed with him, and I listen to the guy everyday.. Love the guy! (Excerpt of his show is below)
Which brings me to the now. This past week, Uncle Colin (as he refers to himself) was explaining why his kids won't play travel or comp sports. His feeling is that the time that would go to playing on a comp team would pull away from family time, and he wants the time with his kids to be spent traveling and experiencing things with them as a family. I totally get that. But I'm going to come at it from a different perspective.
I played travel soccer since maybe the 4th or 5th grade. By the time I was in middle school, the commitment was extreme. Not only time wise, but also financially on my parents. Now, as a kid I was pretty shy, and confidence wasn't a friend. I worked hard, and listened to my coaches, and I became a pretty good soccer player. My team won the state comp tournament several times. We traveled to some of the best tournaments in the country, and by the time I was in high school, my entire team and coach became part of a club in the Chicago area that became one of the best in the country (Sockers F.C.).
And through it all, I was wiped. The intensity that came with being a comp athlete is difficult, and doesn't always bring with it the down time I feel kids should have. At one point in high school, I was playing 5 days a week (practicing three and games two). Throw on that my commitment to my school work, and a desire to fit in with some semblance of a social life and I simply felt exhausted and trapped. The fun of playing my favorite sport was gone, and shortly after my 18th birthday, I walked away.
So, now as a parent, I use the experience I had as the basis for my thoughts on youth sports. First off, my kids aren't playing organized sports before the age of 5. And when they do, it'll be limited. Part of the problem that I see with youth soccer, for example, is that we get kids wrapped up into structured play so early that the creativity and fun is pulled. At the elementary ages, games are to be fun and youthful, and not at a level that brings stress to those involved (including parents). This is the age we have to build the love and enjoyment of the game.
Second, my kids will play comp sports (or sports in general) when THEY want to, not because I want them to. This is not a slam against my own parents. They knew I was a good athlete, so they wanted me to compete at a level they knew was best. But, the decision wasn't alway mine. I will forever thank them for the opportunities they provided, because I'm a better person from them. But when I see 6 year olds in full pads on the football field I have to wonder if that is the kid wanting that or the parent? For me, I don't see a need for comp sports before middle school. I'm all for a fun Rec. experience for these kiddos, but when the target becomes WIN at ALL costs for an 8 year old, maybe the wrong message is being sent?
And third, I'll be all for the comp experience when my kids show they're ready personality wise. Those that thrive in the comp atmosphere do so because of the attitude that they bring each day. The love of the game drives them to a determination to succeed that makes every training and game not work, but life. When they show a love for it that goes beyond just hanging out with buddies, but to a desire to create an opportunity for themselves in college and beyond then I'm in. And I'll go to the corners of the world to make it happen. But as soon as it become a chore for us all to "make" the kid even go to practice, then it's time to scale back and rethink the commitment.
In the end, I truly hope that one of my four kids builds a love and passion for a sport that draws them in to wanting a comp experience. I, to this day, love soccer. I dream about getting back on the field. About heading a corner into the back of the net again. It was a huge, defining part of my life, but it became something that drained me to the core and in a way left me broken. So, while I'd love to have a kiddo play, I will never push it on them. I want their childhood to be about them, and their dreams. And if that means sports doesn't become a part of it, then I'm ok with it. And that's that.
the summer of 2006 (shortly after my first was born) looking for anything about the World Cup that was currently being played in Germany. I finally get to ESPN radio, and this jerk, Colin Cowherd, is slamming American soccer saying that the absolute best American athletes play football or basketball and not soccer, so we'll never truly compete in the sport when the best athletes of other countries Do play soccer! I was furious! I'm a soccer player! I was a great athlete, and by the end of the show... I totally agreed with him, and I listen to the guy everyday.. Love the guy! (Excerpt of his show is below)
Colin talking about US beating Spain and his description of soccer players/fans. BTW: I'm 6'1" .. :) Classic!
 |
| Yup.. that's me! Maybe 13 or 14 years old. |
And through it all, I was wiped. The intensity that came with being a comp athlete is difficult, and doesn't always bring with it the down time I feel kids should have. At one point in high school, I was playing 5 days a week (practicing three and games two). Throw on that my commitment to my school work, and a desire to fit in with some semblance of a social life and I simply felt exhausted and trapped. The fun of playing my favorite sport was gone, and shortly after my 18th birthday, I walked away.
So, now as a parent, I use the experience I had as the basis for my thoughts on youth sports. First off, my kids aren't playing organized sports before the age of 5. And when they do, it'll be limited. Part of the problem that I see with youth soccer, for example, is that we get kids wrapped up into structured play so early that the creativity and fun is pulled. At the elementary ages, games are to be fun and youthful, and not at a level that brings stress to those involved (including parents). This is the age we have to build the love and enjoyment of the game.
Second, my kids will play comp sports (or sports in general) when THEY want to, not because I want them to. This is not a slam against my own parents. They knew I was a good athlete, so they wanted me to compete at a level they knew was best. But, the decision wasn't alway mine. I will forever thank them for the opportunities they provided, because I'm a better person from them. But when I see 6 year olds in full pads on the football field I have to wonder if that is the kid wanting that or the parent? For me, I don't see a need for comp sports before middle school. I'm all for a fun Rec. experience for these kiddos, but when the target becomes WIN at ALL costs for an 8 year old, maybe the wrong message is being sent?
And third, I'll be all for the comp experience when my kids show they're ready personality wise. Those that thrive in the comp atmosphere do so because of the attitude that they bring each day. The love of the game drives them to a determination to succeed that makes every training and game not work, but life. When they show a love for it that goes beyond just hanging out with buddies, but to a desire to create an opportunity for themselves in college and beyond then I'm in. And I'll go to the corners of the world to make it happen. But as soon as it become a chore for us all to "make" the kid even go to practice, then it's time to scale back and rethink the commitment.
In the end, I truly hope that one of my four kids builds a love and passion for a sport that draws them in to wanting a comp experience. I, to this day, love soccer. I dream about getting back on the field. About heading a corner into the back of the net again. It was a huge, defining part of my life, but it became something that drained me to the core and in a way left me broken. So, while I'd love to have a kiddo play, I will never push it on them. I want their childhood to be about them, and their dreams. And if that means sports doesn't become a part of it, then I'm ok with it. And that's that.
Monday, September 30, 2013
My "flipping" classroom
I've been seeing a lot of talk lately (twitter) about "flipping" the classroom. What it boils down to is increasing teacher/student working interaction by using classroom time as "homework" time and home for the instruction time. The teacher provides instructional material through the use of video, audio, or other for the students to take in on their own time outside of school. The result is class time used for more direct, teacher guided practice and projects done during the school day. This drives away the possibility of students struggling to pass a class because of homework since it's done under the supervision and support of the teacher. Sounds pretty good, huh?
Well, I have to be honest, I've been doing my own version of this for several years now. I created a blog that I post mini-lessons to. These lessons are a quick 5-6 minute re-teach of the day's lesson. I use my document camera to take a single take of the lesson. I then upload it to YouTube, and pop it on my blog. (take a look here). The kids and the parents (especially the parents) love it. It's a great way to keep up with the class, and to see how I'm teaching the material.
The trouble I'm finding is that up here in Fairbanks, there are sill quite a few families that don't have internet. That may be simply because they live so far out of town there isn't service available, or maybe they can't afford it, or maybe they think the internet is The Government's way of keeping track of you (a more real fear up here than you might think). In the end, there is still a strong percentage of kiddos that don't have the internet for me to expect them to watch my lessons at home.
Truth be told, I have a tough time expecting my students to have any homework done whether that is watching one of my videos from my blog or the traditional homework assignment. What that means is that I have to use my class time for observable practice. I make it my goal to see as many problems each of my students does in my class each day. I need to see with my own eyes how all 120+ of my kiddos are doing when they are right in front of me. I can't expect parents to be helping, or for them to be doing the work diligently at home. I have to instead anticipate the fact that I have no idea what home life is like for my crew of students, so it's on me to teach them while they're right there in front of me. And if I can see them do the examples on their own, or with the help of a neighbor, then I know that for the "now" they get it.
Now, do I still assign homework? Sure. Math is a skill that needs to be practiced, and a strong majority of my kids find the time to do that work for a little bit of credit (5pts/assignment). But I find ways to still help the kiddos that simply can't get any type of homework done. I do this because I believe my job is about assessing what the kids know, and not on whether they can do homework. So for example, I can take the performance shown on a quiz and extend that documented knowledge toward a homework score. And then when/if that assignment does get finished, I can replace it with a new score, because I will take any assignment late as long as it's turned in before the end of the quarter it was assigned.
In the end, I do provide my lessons to the students out on the www, but what I've learned about "flipping" my classroom has more to do with me striving to effectively teach, and assess my students while they are right there in front of me, and less about expecting them to accomplish anything at home... even if that thing is watching their favorite math teacher teach! :)
Well, I have to be honest, I've been doing my own version of this for several years now. I created a blog that I post mini-lessons to. These lessons are a quick 5-6 minute re-teach of the day's lesson. I use my document camera to take a single take of the lesson. I then upload it to YouTube, and pop it on my blog. (take a look here). The kids and the parents (especially the parents) love it. It's a great way to keep up with the class, and to see how I'm teaching the material.
The trouble I'm finding is that up here in Fairbanks, there are sill quite a few families that don't have internet. That may be simply because they live so far out of town there isn't service available, or maybe they can't afford it, or maybe they think the internet is The Government's way of keeping track of you (a more real fear up here than you might think). In the end, there is still a strong percentage of kiddos that don't have the internet for me to expect them to watch my lessons at home.
Truth be told, I have a tough time expecting my students to have any homework done whether that is watching one of my videos from my blog or the traditional homework assignment. What that means is that I have to use my class time for observable practice. I make it my goal to see as many problems each of my students does in my class each day. I need to see with my own eyes how all 120+ of my kiddos are doing when they are right in front of me. I can't expect parents to be helping, or for them to be doing the work diligently at home. I have to instead anticipate the fact that I have no idea what home life is like for my crew of students, so it's on me to teach them while they're right there in front of me. And if I can see them do the examples on their own, or with the help of a neighbor, then I know that for the "now" they get it.
Now, do I still assign homework? Sure. Math is a skill that needs to be practiced, and a strong majority of my kids find the time to do that work for a little bit of credit (5pts/assignment). But I find ways to still help the kiddos that simply can't get any type of homework done. I do this because I believe my job is about assessing what the kids know, and not on whether they can do homework. So for example, I can take the performance shown on a quiz and extend that documented knowledge toward a homework score. And then when/if that assignment does get finished, I can replace it with a new score, because I will take any assignment late as long as it's turned in before the end of the quarter it was assigned.
In the end, I do provide my lessons to the students out on the www, but what I've learned about "flipping" my classroom has more to do with me striving to effectively teach, and assess my students while they are right there in front of me, and less about expecting them to accomplish anything at home... even if that thing is watching their favorite math teacher teach! :)
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Help me choose a school!!....for my kiddo.
It's August! I'm just as surprised and freaked as you are! For the last 2 years, August has been a little too crazy for my family. Our oldest will be in 2nd grade this year, so 2 years ago we were trying to figure out where to enroll him for school. We were left trying to answer that same question again last year at this time... I don't want to talk about his Kinder-year, so don't ask! ... or ask, but buy me a beer or two first!
With the amount of stress and anxiety we've been through, I thought I would write a little (my first attempt was WAY too long!!) about our experience in picking the right school for our oldest. My wife and I started by looking at the local public school. For reasons I don't want to get into, he couldn't go there. (yes.. I'm saying that as a public school teacher!)
We explored all of our options for him within the district, and applied to the lottery system for two of the three charter schools in the area, but also did a few out of area requests for schools outside our "boundaries." Both the charter schools had an educational focus that fit our son. Really that is where you should start this process, by using your expertise on your own child to find the best school fits. We felt these two were hands down the best. We did the "out of area" requests as back-ups to the lotteries, but we also considered private school, and homeschooling.
For our oldest, we know how inquisitive he is, and that he loves to explore a variety of different learning topics. We also know that he is super social. He loves to be around other kids, and kids love to be around him. For those reasons alone we knew that homeschool just wouldn't happen for him, but would be our last resort. For private school?... well, like many, we just weren't in a financial position to tackle that one. But, there are many good things to consider when looking to take that path.
We explored all of our options for him within the district, and applied to the lottery system for two of the three charter schools in the area, but also did a few out of area requests for schools outside our "boundaries." Both the charter schools had an educational focus that fit our son. Really that is where you should start this process, by using your expertise on your own child to find the best school fits. We felt these two were hands down the best. We did the "out of area" requests as back-ups to the lotteries, but we also considered private school, and homeschooling.
For our oldest, we know how inquisitive he is, and that he loves to explore a variety of different learning topics. We also know that he is super social. He loves to be around other kids, and kids love to be around him. For those reasons alone we knew that homeschool just wouldn't happen for him, but would be our last resort. For private school?... well, like many, we just weren't in a financial position to tackle that one. But, there are many good things to consider when looking to take that path.
As things started playing out, we were completely at the mercy of the lottery system, and the individual school principals considering our requests. For his kinder-year, we watched every good option pass us by, and were left enrolling him in a school we were not happy with. Even as a teacher in the district, not a single shred of additional consideration was given. All doors felt slammed in our face. We were shattered.
But, for first grade, we found out days before the start of the school year that his lottery position for one of the charter schools was green-lighted, and he was in. The rush to get everything together for him to be there was crazy, and we truly felt like we won The Lottery. The school is such a great fit for him, but if it hadn't worked, he would have been homeschooled for his first grade year. It had gotten that bad, and our very last resort was the only option. As a teacher in the district, I felt so disappointed, and unappreciated. So when this all worked out the way we needed it... it was just so wonderful.
So, the breakdown when considering schools for your kiddo:
But, for first grade, we found out days before the start of the school year that his lottery position for one of the charter schools was green-lighted, and he was in. The rush to get everything together for him to be there was crazy, and we truly felt like we won The Lottery. The school is such a great fit for him, but if it hadn't worked, he would have been homeschooled for his first grade year. It had gotten that bad, and our very last resort was the only option. As a teacher in the district, I felt so disappointed, and unappreciated. So when this all worked out the way we needed it... it was just so wonderful.
So, the breakdown when considering schools for your kiddo:
- Start with focusing on your child. You are the expert, so you know what learning environment will be best for his/her learning.
- List out all of the school options: Public Schools, Charter Schools, Private Schools, Home School. What is feasible? What isn't?
- Review the curriculum. Sometimes that will be a deciding factor. What do they use? What is the reputation of the material? Why was it chosen? Is it best for the kids, or was it chosen as a Band-Aid?
- Talk to the teachers/principal. You will know in the first couple of minutes if they are dedicated educators. Are they excited to meet you? Do they talk about their school with pride and not as a used car salesman? Are there award winners that work there?
- Talk to parents of kids at the schools. What do they think? Who are the teachers to avoid? Can they name more of those than teachers to get? Is there a PTA? Parents will be honest, so ask your questions.
In the end, finding the best school for your kiddo is all about knowing the strengths and interests of your child and matching those to the best school option. Sometimes that will be easy and the local public school will be perfect. Other times, you may have to pray to the charter school lottery Gods in order to get into the best school for your student.
If your only option is one that you are not happy about, then make yourself present in the school. Advocate for your kiddo, and act like the expert you are. It's a hard job being a parent in this situation especially if you have working hours during your kiddo's school time. It may seem like you don't have any control, but I will tell you that you will be the driving force behind your child's school success. My students that have parents that make learning a priority by setting the right educational tone at home, are the ones that are typically doing the best. Don't ever let a teacher, administrator, and anyone at a school make you think they know your child better than you do. They all work for you, so set the expectations for them as well. Do it respectfully, but hold them accountable. The great teachers will work with you and your kiddo to make the experience beneficial for all! If you don't like how things are going, talk to the teacher, then the principal, go to school board meetings, talk to the superintendent, write a letter to the editor, get other parents involved, and take control of the quality of the education in your area.
I hope you found this helpful. Let me know if you have any questions or additions (if I missed anything) by leaving a comment! Oh, and please feel free to share this with anyone you think might benefit from reading it. Finding the right school can be so overwhelming, it's important you know that you are not alone in dealing with the stress.
If your only option is one that you are not happy about, then make yourself present in the school. Advocate for your kiddo, and act like the expert you are. It's a hard job being a parent in this situation especially if you have working hours during your kiddo's school time. It may seem like you don't have any control, but I will tell you that you will be the driving force behind your child's school success. My students that have parents that make learning a priority by setting the right educational tone at home, are the ones that are typically doing the best. Don't ever let a teacher, administrator, and anyone at a school make you think they know your child better than you do. They all work for you, so set the expectations for them as well. Do it respectfully, but hold them accountable. The great teachers will work with you and your kiddo to make the experience beneficial for all! If you don't like how things are going, talk to the teacher, then the principal, go to school board meetings, talk to the superintendent, write a letter to the editor, get other parents involved, and take control of the quality of the education in your area.
I hope you found this helpful. Let me know if you have any questions or additions (if I missed anything) by leaving a comment! Oh, and please feel free to share this with anyone you think might benefit from reading it. Finding the right school can be so overwhelming, it's important you know that you are not alone in dealing with the stress.
The video below is news coverage talking about the charter school lottery in Buffalo, NY,
and the stress parents go through.
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