It was just a game

Updated: I recently shared this post with my high school soccer coach (Mr. P). We both couldn't believe that 20 years has passed since this game. He also couldn't believe how much I remembered! I guess it shows just how impactful of an experience it was for me. It's most difficult to look back on now as a father of 5, knowing that the families of the 7 kids that were killed in the accident have been without them for so long. Truly unfair for them. So today, my thoughts and prayers to go the families. Because really, it was just a game.. 
Coverage of the 20th anniversary of the tragedy can be seen, here.  

Today marks the 20 year anniversary of a day that I'll never forget, and probably was one of the most life changing events in my teenage life. It's taken me a long time to process how exactly the events of the day changed me. And in many ways, I feel this day has helped to define me as the husband, parent, and teacher that I am today.

Twenty, years ago I was a senior in high school. I'm pretty sure I was defined in life as a soccer player. That's what I was best at. I was on a path to play soccer in college, and I'm sure that there would be some (hi, Mom & Dad) that would argue that there was a path to even play pro-soccer. It was my life.

I was varsity Co-captain of the team that year. We were loaded with great talent, and our goal was the state championship. The path was clear, and our regular season showed that we were definitely contenders. As we entered the playoffs, our confidence was very high. We won a couple of games, and we were excited to be heading into the sectional championship game against a high school we knew we would roll over.

And then tragedy struck. The day before the game a bus load of students heading to our competitor's school stopped on some train tracks, and was hit by a train. I can't remember the numbers, but there was a death toll. It was overwhelming the emotions that I went through. There were friends and siblings of the soccer players on that bus. I remember talking with a few teammates about our hope that the game would be postponed... It wasn't.

The day of the game, school took forever. I'm pretty sure I didn't learn a thing that day. I was numb trying to mentally prepare. I don't remember the bus ride other than we all signed a soccer ball showing our sympathy to the school and the students. We tried warming up as normal, but the stadium was packed. Camera crews were there to cover the game, and none of us had experienced anything like that.

We presented the ball to the other team, stood silently through the National Anthem, and the game started. It was obvious that we were the better team. We controlled the game, but we couldn't seem to finish anything. The first half was highlighted by my header off of the post on a corner kick. We entered the second half tied at zero.

The second half was marred with more missed opportunities. And then one of our teammates knocked out one of theirs while challenging for a header. The sight of the player motionless on the ground with an Ambulance on the field sent chills through everyone. It didn't help that our teammate taunted them by something along the lines of, "that's right, we took another one out." .... yup, sums up how this was going to end for our team.

Play resumed, but stayed scoreless through regulation and overtime. The fate of the game was going to be determined by penalty kicks. Our coached asked who wanted to go... I raised my hand feeling that as captain I needed to... I was to kick 4th.

I have no idea who shot before me, but I do know that I needed to make my shot to give our team a chance. I placed the ball. Took my few steps back. I remember the silence. So many people. So quiet. The whistle blew, and I hit the ball in the same place as I had been practicing for weeks. CLANG... this time I hit it off the post. I don't remember crying at that point. No. It was after the next player made his penalty shot winning it for his team, that I fell to the ground. I was spent. I believed I had lost the game for my team. The tears flowed. I knew my teammates would blame me. I blamed me.

But in that moment, my coach came to my side. He picked me up and looked me in the eyes and said:

This is just a game. Kids died yesterday, and this is just a game.

He was right, so very right. I stood up and congratulated the other team. I remember trying to keep it together on the bus ride. I remember having to do some homework when I got home. I also remember, that my passion for soccer left me that day. It was a tough way to learn that lesson that there is so much more to life than silly games. But for me, I had been defined by that game for my whole life. I was "that soccer player-guy." I had nothing else. 

I didn't know how to manage the feelings I was going through, and I don't think anyone truly understood where I was at that point. After months of grappling with my emotions, I eventually left my comp team as I couldn't handle the constant push to always have to be at the complex working out even after practices and games. My drive was crushed after that 1 game. I chose to not play in college, but enjoyed playing intramural sports with my fraternity. Even those games got overwhelming for me at times. 

In the end, I know that this one event opened my eyes on how I wanted to live my life as a husband, father, and teacher. I approach each day loving the life that I have, and taking as much time to appreciate everyone around me. Does that mean that at times I choose laughing and playing in place of getting something done around the house or at work? Sure. And I know that in doing so, the people in my life are better for it.  I also know how single events in a child's life can stay with them and change them. And I spend more time paying attention to who my own kids are, and who my students are so that I can be there to help them when/if moments like this touch their lives. I want to be to them what my coach was for me in that moment: a role model.  

Thanks for reading this. Choose to have a great day, because you can. 

To play (sports), or not to play (sports)

I listen to ESPN radio in the mornings. I'm a dad. It's something that I simply have to do at this point in life. I can tell you the exact point I started listening too. I was flipping around AM radio back in
the summer of 2006 (shortly after my first was born) looking for anything about the World Cup that was currently being played in Germany. I finally get to ESPN radio, and this jerk, Colin Cowherd, is slamming American soccer saying that the absolute best American athletes play football or basketball and not soccer, so we'll never truly compete in the sport when the best athletes of other countries Do play soccer! I was furious! I'm a soccer player! I was a great athlete, and by the end of the show... I totally agreed with him, and I listen to the guy everyday.. Love the guy! (Excerpt of his show is below)

Colin talking about US beating Spain and his description of soccer players/fans. BTW: I'm 6'1" .. :) Classic! 

Which brings me to the now. This past week, Uncle Colin (as he refers to himself) was explaining why his kids won't play travel or comp sports. His feeling is that the time that would go to playing on a comp team would pull away from family time, and he wants the time with his kids to be spent traveling and experiencing things with them as a family. I totally get that. But I'm going to come at it from a different perspective.

Yup.. that's me! Maybe 13 or 14 years old.

I played travel soccer since maybe the 4th or 5th grade. By the time I was in middle school, the commitment was extreme. Not only time wise, but also financially on my parents. Now, as a kid I was pretty shy, and confidence wasn't a friend. I worked hard, and listened to my coaches, and I became a pretty good soccer player. My team won the state comp tournament several times. We traveled to some of the best tournaments in the country, and by the time I was in high school, my entire team and coach became part of a club in the Chicago area that became one of the best in the country (Sockers F.C.).

And through it all, I was wiped. The intensity that came with being a comp athlete is difficult, and doesn't always bring with it the down time I feel kids should have. At one point in high school, I was playing 5 days a week (practicing three and games two). Throw on that my commitment to my school work, and a desire to fit in with some semblance of a social life and I simply felt exhausted and trapped. The fun of playing my favorite sport was gone, and shortly after my 18th birthday, I walked away.

So, now as a parent, I use the experience I had as the basis for my thoughts on youth sports. First off, my kids aren't playing organized sports before the age of 5. And when they do, it'll be limited. Part of the problem that I see with youth soccer, for example, is that we get kids wrapped up into structured play so early that the creativity and fun is pulled. At the elementary ages, games are to be fun and youthful, and not at a level that brings stress to those involved (including parents). This is the age we have to build the love and enjoyment of the game.

Second, my kids will play comp sports (or sports in general) when THEY want to, not because I want them to. This is not a slam against my own parents. They knew I was a good athlete, so they wanted me to compete at a level they knew was best. But, the decision wasn't alway mine. I will forever thank them for the opportunities they provided, because I'm a better person from them. But when I see 6 year olds in full pads on the football field I have to wonder if that is the kid wanting that or the parent? For me, I don't see a need for comp sports before middle school. I'm all for a fun Rec. experience for these kiddos, but when the target becomes WIN at ALL costs for an 8 year old, maybe the wrong message is being sent?

And third, I'll be all for the comp experience when my kids show they're ready personality wise. Those that thrive in the comp atmosphere do so because of the attitude that they bring each day. The love of the game drives them to a determination to succeed that makes every training and game not work, but life. When they show a love for it that goes beyond just hanging out with buddies, but to a desire to create an opportunity for themselves in college and beyond then I'm in. And I'll go to the corners of the world to make it happen. But as soon as it become a chore for us all to "make" the kid even go to practice, then it's time to scale back and rethink the commitment.

In the end, I truly hope that one of my four kids builds a love and passion for a sport that draws them in to wanting a comp experience. I, to this day, love soccer. I dream about getting back on the field. About heading a corner into the back of the net again. It was a huge, defining part of my life, but it became something that drained me to the core and in a way left me broken. So, while I'd love to have a kiddo play, I will never push it on them. I want their childhood to be about them, and their dreams. And if that means sports doesn't become a part of it, then I'm ok with it. And that's that.

I found my peeps! And they're digital!

The other day while I was out and about, I ran into a gentleman who stopped to admire my family. This happens a lot. There is something remarkable about a dad shopping with his four kids that just makes people want to stop us and chat. Anyway, he mentioned that he was a retired teacher and had moved up here to be closer to his grandkids. When I mentioned that I was a teacher, he simply shook his head, and said, "I could never teach now-a-days. All of the fuss over teachers and evaluations. All of the tests the kids have to take. No way I'd take that!"

I have to admit, I didn't know much what to say to him. Thankfully, my kids made a turn toward squirelly-ville and I walked away reflecting on his statement. The truth is, I connected to what he said. I've spent the last 2 summers working hard to leave teaching to find an opportunity to get back into the business world. I've interviewed for positions in finance, real estate, and marketing.

But, for me, it wasn't trying to leave because of the current demands on teachers, like this gentleman was describing. No, that stuff I don't mind. If you're good at what you do, you'll meet the demands with passion and energy. Instead, my reasons were due to the complete and total isolation I felt as a teacher. As a man in my young 30s with 4 kids teaching the way that I do ("Info-Taining" - credit @Kevin Honeycutt) I looked around my building and the district and I didn't see anyone like me. Maybe they're out there, but the time to collaborate and gain inspiration from other teachers was not available. I was drifting, and I began to realize that I needed to find some connections, and inspiration.

Then late in this past summer a fraternity brother, and fellow teacher jumped onto Twitter. We started following each other, and I began to see his feed fill with members of his teacher community. I started following a few of them myself, and I realized that maybe there were more out there like me than I realized. I began connecting with some of the bigger names in the field and drawing inspiration from what they were doing and saying about education. These connections began to fill me up, and get my creative energies working again. I have the energy inside to meet what the new Common Core based state standards are expecting of me and my students.

What I've learned over the last 6 weeks has been that regardless of your profession, you need to have a community of support. For me, I found that my community of peeps are digital, and I'm alright with that! :)

My "flipping" classroom

I've been seeing a lot of talk lately (twitter) about "flipping" the classroom. What it boils down to is increasing teacher/student working interaction by using classroom time as "homework" time and home for the instruction time. The teacher provides instructional material through the use of video, audio, or other for the students to take in on their own time outside of school. The result is class time used for more direct, teacher guided practice and projects done during the school day. This drives away the possibility of students struggling to pass a class because of homework since it's done under the supervision and support of the teacher. Sounds pretty good, huh?

Well, I have to be honest, I've been doing my own version of this for several years now. I created a blog that I post mini-lessons to. These lessons are a quick 5-6 minute re-teach of the day's lesson. I use my document camera to take a single take of the lesson. I then upload it to YouTube, and pop it on my blog. (take a look here). The kids and the parents (especially the parents) love it. It's a great way to keep up with the class, and to see how I'm teaching the material.

The trouble I'm finding is that up here in Fairbanks, there are sill quite a few families that don't have internet. That may be simply because they live so far out of town there isn't service available, or maybe they can't afford it, or maybe they think the internet is The Government's way of keeping track of you (a more real fear up here than you might think). In the end, there is still a strong percentage of kiddos that don't have the internet for me to expect them to watch my lessons at home.

Truth be told, I have a tough time expecting my students to have any homework done whether that is watching one of my videos from my blog or the traditional homework assignment. What that means is that I have to use my class time for observable practice. I make it my goal to see as many problems each of my students does in my class each day. I need to see with my own eyes how all 120+ of my kiddos are doing when they are right in front of me. I can't expect parents to be helping, or for them to be doing the work diligently at home. I have to instead anticipate the fact that I have no idea what home life is like for my crew of students, so it's on me to teach them while they're right there in front of me. And if I can see them do the examples on their own, or with the help of a neighbor, then I know that for the "now" they get it.

Now, do I still assign homework? Sure. Math is a skill that needs to be practiced, and a strong majority of my kids find the time to do that work for a little bit of credit (5pts/assignment). But I find ways to still help the kiddos that simply can't get any type of homework done. I do this because I believe my job is about assessing what the kids know, and not on whether they can do homework. So for example, I can take the performance shown on a quiz and extend that documented knowledge toward a homework score. And then when/if that assignment does get finished, I can replace it with a new score, because I will take any assignment late as long as it's turned in before the end of the quarter it was assigned.

In the end, I do provide my lessons to the students out on the www, but what I've learned about "flipping" my classroom has more to do with me striving to effectively teach, and assess my students while they are right there in front of me, and less about expecting them to accomplish anything at home... even if that thing is watching their favorite math teacher teach! :)

They'll learn, just be the role model they need.

I recently saw a post on a LinkedIn group page asking "Have you ever met a student that didn't want to learn?" I ignored clicking on the discussion for several days... I wasn't ready to read the disappointment that I knew would follow such a question. It's not that I'm cynical in regards to teachers (I am one!), it's just that I know there are a lot teachers out there that are simply getting a paycheck. That aren't in the profession for the kids, and show no understanding to what the outside world might look like for them.

I've seen so many crazy things in my 8 years of teaching in Fairbanks. The hard conditions translate to harsh realities for many people (adults and kids) up here when temps can get so low that they become life threatening. And with all of the kids that come into my room daily, with all of their stories some of which you wouldn't wish on anyone, I've never met a single kiddo that didn't want to learn. That didn't want to be cared for in a school setting.

Now, don't get me wrong. There are some students out there that are tougher to get through to. Some who have lost all faith in adults for whatever reason. Some that are simply at school to survive another day, and know nothing more than to act out for someone to give them attention. These kiddos are the ones that cause distractions, that end up getting kicked out of classrooms, and spend most of their time in In-School Suspension. These are the kiddos that need to have someone show them they care beyond a superficial level. And in order for this to happen, an entire school needs to be ready to help. Because if even one teacher starts writing them off, and forcing the kid out of the classrooms with referral upon referral, then there will never be the time to reach the kiddo to help build the sense of self-worth that is needed to pull them out.

Even at the elementary school level, I've seen teachers, counselors and principals write kids off. Kids that still have more than a chance, because deep down I know that they want to be helped. That they want to learn and grow as people. They just simply have been told by the people around them that they can't. And these kids have then given up.

So, I challenge you to make a stand and help all kids by understanding that even in the most disrespectful encounters they simply have learned to have their walls up. They've learned a behavior that we can work together to fix. If you better the attitude you bring each day, and act as the positive role models they need, then we can fix the craziness around us all.

I know that I became a teacher to change the world, by being a positive role model to kids. I didn't choose this career because I love math, and the politics of education. I did it because the most important people in my life as a kid were the amazing adults that taught and coached me. I'm doing this to say thank you to all of them for helping build the man I am today.

You like Ice Cream? Me Too!.. Now What?

This is my 7th year teaching middle school math. Some would say that I'm now guaranteed a place in heaven for my time spent here. I think that's being kind, and those spots probably are saved for elementary school teachers! - I seriously wouldn't want that job!! :)

I've learned a lot about teaching over that time, and I think the main thing was emphasized with my beginning of the year activity. I've done something like this activity before, but this year, I was able to help tie together the main point.

Instead of doing one of those normal "ice breakers," I broke my students into groups of 3 or 4 to compile a few lists. I handed out a piece of paper to each group and the person that started with the paper wrote down the first topic. Then passed the paper to the next person to write down an idea, who passed it to the next, and so on.

The first topic I gave them was to list the qualities that make a great teacher. I'm sure you're thinking, "It's 7th graders! Why would you do that?" Well, because I trust them to be honest. Sure I'll get answers like: pay us money, give us candy, don't give homework. But I knew that, and made the joke before starting, so they could focus on the real things. Each class list was different, but the main things were:

The list from 4th period

• Be responsible
• Be understanding
• Explain things well
• Be fair and respectful
• Have a sense of humor
• Good Listener
• Thoughtful
• Unique
• Enjoy Teaching
• Be Encouraging
• Creative
• Caring/Like kids

Not a bad list, huh? When they were asked, they could spell out exactly what they thought makes a great teacher. When I pressed further, I was surprised at how many of them could mention more than one teacher from their past that they felt was a "bad" teacher, and gave crystal clear examples to support the claims! It's always eye opening to hear their perspective on classroom situations! 

The next list was about them. What did they have to do to be successful in math class this year? The answers... even better:

* Work hard                                             * Raise my hand                       * Ask questions

* Turn work in on time                            * Be respectful                          * Don't waste time

* Listen to the teacher                              * Be prepared                           * Care about my grades

* Focus                                                    * Study                                     * Follow directions 

* Pay attention                                         * Don't give up                         * Have a positive attitude

After we had put all of their ideas up on the board, I stepped back and congratulated them. I told them how proud I was that they already knew what it takes to be a great student. I then promised them that I'll do all that they asked of me in the "great" teacher lists they created. I would do all of that, and all they had to do was everything on their list! 

It is at this point that the main point came into view: They can't be successful without me being great, and vice versa! They can expect me to be all of the things they want out of a great teacher if they can live up to the qualities on their list. I promised to hold them accountable if they hold me accountable. 

I am the best math teacher they will have this year, and they are the best students I will have this year. And if we work together, it will be the best school year they have ever had. I loved creating this moment for them to see that I'm here to work with them, not against them. I'm a teacher that they can trust will be what they are asking me to be. I've created a relationship with them within the first few days of school that goes beyond the simple "I like Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream TOO" type of Ice Breaker. We now have a contract that is printed and up on the wall, so that if I'm slacking or if they are, we can point to our list, smile, and fix things to make it a great year! I can't wait! 

Seriously? Because of testing?

My wife and I are reality TV watchers. We don't watch them all (it's hard watching anything at all with 4 kids, a business, and teaching), but we do have our favorites. There is something about vegging out to the silly drama in the lives of others that helps us transition to sleep time.

One of our favorites right now is Master Chef. It's a cooking competition on FOX that is another in the TV empire of Chef Ramsey. I personally love the guy! Would love to meet him and talk soccer, cooking, and family. (So if you know him.. let me know!)

The focus of the show is to pit 20 "home cooks" against each other to win the title of Master Chef. They cooks compete in different individual and team challenges and in each episode one chef is asked to turn in his/her apron. It's awesome seeing the wonderful creations that these self-taught cooks can pull together in a timed challenge.

In the most recent episode that my wife and I watched, the show started with what is called a "Mystery Box Challenge." The aspiring chefs have to cook with whatever ingredients are in the box coming up
with their own unique creations. The best dish gets an advantage in the elimination challenge, so it's a big deal!

But for this challenge, there is one huge box at the front of the room. When the box is lifted family members of the cooks are revealed (to be used as inspiration to cook something new... not to be cooked!). However there was one contestant that didn't have a family member there at all. The hardest part, is that it was the contestant that is a single mother, and her love for her son has been her motivation through out the season. Naturally, everyone is thrilled to see their loved ones, and the camera pans to her crying in the back wishing her son was there.

I'm sure my wife and I weren't alone in immediately wondering where her son was, and if something had happened. So, when Ramsey walks an iPad back to show her a video message from her son, we were ready to figure out what was going on. You can only imagine my surprise when the reason he couldn't come be there for his mom was because of state testing! And when Ramsey leaned over and said, "That's important," I nearly lost it!

Seriously? As a teacher, and a parent I'd rather see my child after two months than not! Especially when the reason is that he has to take a state standardized test! Really? There isn't a plan in place to do a make up test? Or maybe in Philadelphia missing the "test" comes with heavy fines or something? But to me, it just seems ridiculous that a child miss any opportunity to see a parent after a long period of time when the reason is because of state testing. Where is the cut off here? What if it was a chance to see his mom who had been deployed in the military? Or if she had been in the ICU out of state and there was an opportunity to see her that happened to fall on a state testing day? Does the kid miss seeing a parent in all of those situations? I just don't get this line of thought.

I teach in a school that is more than 60% military. I've learned that I'll get the most out of my students if I show understanding and support when they miss something school related in order to spend time with a parent that hasn't been home for a long period of time (weeks, months, or years!). I get the most out of the parents as well.

I think the producers needed to push a little harder on this one, and not have so easily allowed state-testing to be a good reason to not bring the kid to Cali to see his mom. It's not. It's just a test. That's right, I said it! It's JUST a test! And I think this little example proves how stupid-crazy we've become over the concept of testing. It's just silly!

And the worst part is this kid is going to grow up and a part of his memory of this entire thing will be missing this opportunity because of testing!! It's just another example of something school related leaving a bad impression on a student! A test that matters not one bit to his possible future success in life prevented him from an awesome memory with his mom.

Life is about the memories you create with your loved ones, and this was a lost opportunity blamed on state-standarized tests. Not cool!.. ok.. my rant is over. Thanks! :)